Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure
by Latias425
Summary: Robin's ordinary day of doing absolutely nothing is interrupted when some random green-haired woman with amnesiac stupidity falls out of the sky and drags him out on a crazy adventure. Join Palutena and Robin on their epic quest to find the Shrine of Remembrance in order to restore Palutena's lost memories, and also somehow end up having to save the world along the way.
1. A Stupid Beginning

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 1: A Stupid Beginning

* * *

The sun shone brightly over a country that lay in the middle of nowhere. It seemed like the perfect day to go outside and do something, and that's exactly what a certain tactician by the name of Robin was going to do. What exactly was he planning on doing today? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Just what I need. Another day of doing absolutely nothing." Robin muttered to himself as he sat down on a grassy hill and lay down on his back. He stared up at the sky for a long while, until he realized something.

"I am bored." Robin sighed as he stood up. "What is there to even do anymore? Look at me, wasting my time out here all day with nothing to see and nothing to do. I mean, it is not like some random person is just going to fall from the sky and drag me out on some crazy adventure." Suddenly, there was a whistling sound from somewhere. "What the?" Robin quickly looked left and right, front and back, but he couldn't see anything. He then looked up and before he had a chance to move out of the way, something just randomly fell and landed right on top of him.

"Ow...Wh-What just happened?" Robin groaned as he got up, only to find that he couldn't. He lifted his head up to see what it was that was keeping him down. It wasn't something. It was some _one_. Robin lifted the body off him and lay the person down on their back. It looked to be a young woman, and she had long emerald green hair that ran all the way down to her ankles, and was wearing a white dress.

 _'Who is this woman? Did she just fall from the sky? Is she even alive?'_ Robin asked himself, and he quickly knelt down in front of the woman and began to frantically shake her shoulders. "Hello?! Are you okay?! Can you hear me?!"

The woman's eyes suddenly shot open and she quickly sat up. "Happy Birthday!" she hollered, and then fell backwards onto the grass and passed out again.

Robin had absolutely no idea what was even going on. He knelt back down and began to shake the woman shoulder's again. "Umm...hello? Are you alright?"

Suddenly, the woman unconsciously lifted her arm and slapped Robin across the face. "I'm up, Mama!"

"What?"

The woman sat up and looked around the area. "Where am I?" She then noticed a person standing right in front of her. "Who are you?"

"That is exactly what I was wondering. Who are you?"

"I asked you first, so you tell me who you are first!"

"Okay, fine. My name is Robin."

"Oh, very nice to meet you, Ronin." The woman nodded as she shook Robin's hand. "Now who am I?"

"Umm...I do not know. I have never seen you before."

"Wait a minute. I can remember. I'm...I'm...somebody named...Palutena."

"So, you remember your name. Is there anything else you remember?" Robin asked.

"Umm...I...I can't remember anything else." Palutena shook her head in confusion. "Who are you?"

"Hmm...it seems to me that you have a case of serious amnesia. And I have absolutely no idea why you came from the sky."

"I came from the sky? Am I a bird?"

"N-No! No, you are not! You are an ordinary human being with amnesia. We just need to figure out some way on how to get your memory back."

Palutena thought long and hard. "Hmmm...Wait a minute! I know what to do! We've got to go find the Shrine of Remembrance to get my memory back!"

"How did you even know about that?"

"I don't know, but we've gotta find it! I think it's...this way! It's this way! Follow me!" Palutena then started to run in the opposite direction.

Robin was unsure at first, but he nodded as he began to follow Palutena. He had absolutely no idea where she was leading him to, but he decided not to question it right now.

Palutena continued to run down the hill, but then started to feel a little uneasy. She had a strange feeling that someone was following her. She went around the hill and ran right into a stranger. Palutena screamed and quickly slapped the stranger across the face.

"What was that for?!" Robin asked as he held his red cheek.

"Stop following me, you freak!"

"But you told me to follow you!"

"No, I didn't! I don't even know who you are!"

"Yes, you do! I am Robin! We just met two minutes ago!"

"You're not Raven! You're an impostor!"

"It is Robin, not Raven, and I am not an impostor!"

Palutena looked over at Robin, and then shook her head again. "Oh. I'm sorry, Roland. My amnesia must really be messing up my brain."

"It is alright, but my name is Robin."

* * *

After walking for I don't know how long, the two of them had arrived at a strange, dark forest.

"This is it, Richard. I think we just have to go through this Forbidden Forest in order to get to the shrine."

"Well, that should not be hard." Robin was about to go into the forest when Palutena stopped him.

"Wait, Rowan! There's something very important I have to tell you about this forest!"

"What is it?"

Palutena paused for a moment, and her face fell. "...I forgot."

"Of course you did." Robin muttered as he began to go into the forest, but was stopped again.

"Wait, Raymond. We should be careful when walking through this forest. It could be very dangerous." Palutena warned, but then two seconds later her serious face turned into an extremely goofy one. "Let's go run inside!" She then began to run right into the dark forest.

"Wait, Palutena!" Robin called out as he began to run after her. _'So much for being careful.'_

Suddenly, a strange monster appeared out of nowhere and stopped the two of them.

"Oh, no! It's a monster!" Palutena screamed, and then she quickly pushed Robin in front of her. "Protect me!"

"Is it really necessary to push me?"

"I'm a woman with amnesia! How am I supposed to know how to protect myself?!"

"Alright, fine." Robin swung his Levin Sword at the monster and instantly defeated it. "You do not just go running off into a strange forest like that! Who knows what else lies in here?"

"Sorry, Roland. I promise I won't run off again." Two seconds later, Palutena went from serious to stupid again. "Race you through this forest!" She laughed as she ran away again.

"Wait! Stop!" Robin called as he ran after her again. "This is not going to end well."

"Hey Ruben, over here!" Robin looked over to see Palutena waving to him. "Look at this!"

"What is it?" Robin asked as he went over to her.

"I found another monster!" Palutena pointed to a large creature that was sleeping on the ground.

"Umm...Palutena, I do not think we should disturb it. How about we just leave it be and get out of here?"

"Wait, I want to see something. Give me your crooked looking thing."

"You mean my sword?"

"Yeah, that!" Palutena answered as she snatched the sword from Robin.

"Hey, what do you think you are doing with that?!"

Palutena started to poke the creature with the sword, giggling like an immature child. "Look! I'm poking his face!"

"Stop that! You are going to wake him up!"

"Oh, come on, Raven. I just wanna have some fun with it!"

"Give me that!" Robin grabbed the Levin Sword from Palutena. "Now let us just hurry up and get out of here before-" Just as he took one step, the creature's eyes popped open and it got up, glaring at the two of them. "Was this the important thing that you were trying to tell me about?"

"Maybe..." Palutena answered sheepishly. "What are we gonna do?"

"What do you think we are going to do?! We are going to run!" Robin shouted as they began to make a run for it. The beast let out a loud roar and began to chase after the two.

"Ronin, why is he angry at us?"

"Why do you think he is?! You were the one that decided to poke at it!"

"It wasn't my fault he woke up! Roland, why are we running?"

"Look behind yourself and you will see why!"

"Raymond, why are we running by the same trees over and over again?"

"I do not know! Just keep running! Now is not the time to be asking questions!" Robin then noticed that they were running right towards a cliff and quickly skidded to a halt. He barely managed to keep his balance, but before he could warn Palutena, she ran right into him and they both ended up falling down the cliff.

"Ruben, why are we falling?"

"You pushed us both off a cliff!"

"Well, you should have warned me before I did that!"

"I tried but you ran into me before I could even speak!"

"Why are we even talking when we're falling? Shouldn't we be screaming right now?"

"Now that you mention it, yes." Palutena and Robin then held onto each other and began to scream as they continued to fall down the cliff. However, before they could hit the hard ground, the hood of Robin's robe caught on a branch that just so happened to conveniently be hanging over a ledge.

"Are we dead?" Palutena asked.

Robin opened his eyes and he noticed that they were suspended in midair, and then saw that his hood had been caught. "We...We are not dead. Thank goodness."

"Wait a minute, Richard. There's something wrong." Palutena then started to climb up Robin's body.

"What are you doing?"

"Your hood is stuck. I've gotta make it unstuck."

"No, Palutena! Do not touch my-" Robin warned, but it was too late. Palutena had freed his hood from the branch and he plummeted face-first into the hard ground. He then tried to get up, but then she fell and landed right on top of him.

"You make a really good cushion, Raymond!"

Robin only groaned as he got up. This was truly a really stupid beginning.


	2. Fortress of Solitude

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 2: Fortress of Solitude

* * *

"Here we are, Ronin! We found the Shrine of Remembrance!"

Robin looked at the building that he and Palutena had came across from walking, but it didn't look like any shrine he would have imagined. Instead it looked like some kind of strange futuristic fortress standing in the middle of nowhere. "Are you sure this is the right place?"

"I'm sure it is, Raven! We just have to get inside and I'll have my memory back!" Palutena quickly went over to the large metal door and tried to open it, but it was locked. She then noticed a small panel with a bunch of strange patterns on it. "Hmm...looks like this is some kind of memory thing. Maybe that's what will get us in!"

"Umm...no offense Palutena, but since I have a better memory than you, I feel like I should be the one to-"

"No, Rowan! I want to do it!" Palutena snapped, and then she began to decipher the strange pattern.

"There is no way you are going to-" The giant metal door suddenly fell and crashed on top of Robin. "...Figure it out."

"Roland, I opened the door! Come on, let's go inside!" Palutena pulled Robin up from underneath the door and dragged him inside. What was inside was definitely not what he had expected to see in a shrine. Several strange gadgets and contraptions filled the metal walls, as well as huge computer screens. "Look at these pretty decorations, Ruben!"

"Wait a minute, Palutena. These contraptions look pretty dangerous. I think it would be best if we do not touch any of them."

"You're right, Raymond. We shouldn't be touching any of these things. Some of them could be potentially deadly. We just need to find our way through this...Hey, look! A game!" Palutena ran over to a computer screen and sat down in front of it and began to mess around with the controls as if it were some kind of video game.

"Palutena, do not touch..." Robin began, but then sighed in defeat.

"Look, Richard! I'm winning!"

"What are you doing?! Stop messing with that!"

"Aww, come on, Ronin! I was about to beat the high score!" Palutena grabbed Robin and plopped him down next to her on the seat.

"What are you talking about?! That was not a video game or anything to mess around with! Now how about we not touch anything else and-"

"Hey! What does this button do?" Palutena asked as she pressed a button on the seat, causing the them to eject and send her and Robin crashing right through the roof and into the air. "I like buttons."

Robin screamed as they fell back down into the fortress. He landed hard on his back while Palutena landed safely.

"That was fun! Let's do it again!"

"W-Wait, what?" Robin asked as Palutena pushed the button and they were flung into the air again, making some more holes in the roof. He saw everything upside down as he flipped onto his front in the air. Robin screamed again as he fell down and landed on his stomach while Palutena laughed as she slowly descended back onto the seat.

"One more time!"

"N-No, Palutena!" Robin shouted as they were once again flung into the air.

"Isn't this fun, Raven? It feels like we're floating!"

"No, it feels like we are falling!" Robin held onto Palutena and made another large hole as they both fell back into the fortress and crashed right onto the floor.

"Again!" Palutena got up and reached for the button, but Robin quickly got up and grabbed her arm.

"No! Do not even _think_ about touching that button again!"

"Aww, come on! I was just having fun!"

"You were just wasting time! We came here to find your memory, not to mess around with everything we see!" Robin held onto Palutena's arm and headed towards a door that just so happened to be right next to the computer screen. He opened it and behind it was a narrow hallway with several doors on the sides.

"Look at all those doors, Raymond! Are we gonna play musical doors? I love that game!"

"No, Palutena! We are not going to play musical doors!" Robin groaned. He then looked around the area and turned to her. "I am going to go down here and check for any dangers. You just stay right here and whatever you do...Do. Not. Touch. Anything. You got that?"

"Yep." Palutena nodded.

"Good." Robin started to make his way down the hallway, carefully checking through the doors for signs of any threats.

"Okay. I just gotta stay here and not touch anything." Palutena then noticed a big red button sitting on the wall right next to her. It just stood there, begging to be pressed. Almost as if it was screaming, 'Press me, dammit! I know you want to'. Palutena quickly looked around and when she was sure Robin wasn't looking, she reached her hand out and pressed the big red button. (Because who wouldn't?)

Robin continued to walk down the hallway, when he suddenly heard an alarm go off and the whole place began to flash red. "What the?" He quickly looked over at Palutena, who just stood there trying to look innocent but instead looked pretty stupid. "What did you do?!"

"I pressed the big red button." Palutena answered stupidly.

"WHY?! Why would you press that button?! I just told you not to touch anything!"

"I'm sorry, Ronald. I just wanted to see what would happen."

"Well, obviously bad things are going to happen to us if we do not get out of here!" Robin started to head for the door, but it got locked before he could even reach the handle. Suddenly, hundreds-no, thousands-of laser beams appeared out of nowhere and completely surrounded them. Robin held onto Palutena as the lasers all aimed at them, waiting to fire if they try to escape.

"Do not say a word or move a muscle." Robin whispered.

"Okay. I'm not gonna say it."

"What did I just say?!"

"You told me not to say 'a word', so I'm not gonna say 'a word'."

"No, I meant do not make a single sound!"

"So, you want me to say 'a word' now?"

"No! Do not even think about saying-"

"A WORD!" Palutena shouted, and that completely set off the lasers. They all flashed a bright white and began to fire bright blue beams of electricity at them. Palutena and Robin screamed as the lasers electrocuted them, and eventually they stopped, allowing them to catch their for a moment.

"I said do not say anything or move a single muscle!"

"I didn't say 'anything'. I said 'a word'!"

"No, Palutena! Do not do it agaaaaaaaaaaaaain!" Robin screamed as the lasers electrocuted them again.

"We gotta get out of here, Raven!" Palutena shouted as she tried to run.

"No, Palutena! Do not moooooooooove!" The lasers electrocuted them a third time. Palutena collapsed to the floor and slowly started to drag herself on the ground.

"We'll just...crawl our way out..."

"Stop! Just St-AAAAAAHHHH!" Robin screamed as he collapsed to the floor as well. These lasers just wouldn't stop electrocuting them no matter what. "Forget it! Let us just run!" Robin quickly got up and grabbed Palutena's hand as they quickly rushed down the hallway. The lasers detached themselves from the wall and began to chase after them.

"Roland? How are those lasers chasing us?"

"Do you have to start asking questions every time we run from something?!"

"Rowan, how am I running in high heels?"

"I do not know! Maybe because we are running for our lives!" Robin then noticed a large metal all the way at the end of the hallway. "There! Go in there!" The two of them rushed over to the door and quickly closed it before the lasers could get them. "Glad that is over. We will be safe in here...for now."

"Look, Ruben! There's a bunch of buttons over here!"

Robin quickly turned around and ran over to Palutena, who was standing in front of a control panel that had like a million buttons on it. He looked at her with great suspicion. "You are not thinking about touching any of them, are you?"

"No." Palutena answered, but then pushed a button on the panel, which caused Robin to suddenly be launched into the air and towards the ceiling. "Richard? Where did you go?" She looked up to see Robin's body sticking out of the ceiling with his head stuck inside it. "Wow! I wanna get my head stuck in the ceiling too!" Palutena pressed the same button and launched herself into the air where her head went right through the ceiling and crashed right next to Robin. "Hi, Ronald!"

"Palutena, what did you do?! Why did you just launch yourself towards the ceiling?!"

"It looked like fun."

"What is so fun about having your head stuck in a ceiling?! I have...got to...get myself out." Robin lifted his hands to the ceiling and began to pull to try to get his head out. With some great effort, he managed to free himself and he fell to the hard metal ground on his butt. Robin groaned and started rubbing his rear, but then Palutena pulled herself out and then she fell and landed on top of him.

"That was fun! I wanna see what the other buttons do!" Palutena got up and quickly headed back to the panel.

"No, you will not, Palutena! Do not even think about touching any of those buttons!" Robin shouted, but of course she didn't listen.

Palutena laughed idiotically as she ran over to the control panel and began to push all of the different buttons. They caused several weapons to appear all over the place, from swords to buzzsaws, from lasers to flamethrowers. Robin managed to avoid the deadly weapons while barely avoiding getting dismembered by the saws and burned by the lasers and flamethrowers.

"Palutena, stop! Are you trying to get us both-" Robin was about to run over when a large ax dropped right in front of his feet, barely missing the toes of his boots. He sighed a sigh of relief, but then the front of his hair got cut off and fell to the floor, leaving him nearly bald in the front of his head. Robin grumbled in frustration and quickly ran over to Palutena. "Stop touching those buttons! You almost got me killed!"

"I'm sorry, Raven. I won't touch any more buttons, no matter how tempting it may be." Palutena then noticed something. "Hey, look! Another big red button!" Sitting right in the middle of the control panel stood another big red button covered in a glass cover.

"Palutena, I am going to tell you this right now. Do. Not. Touch. That. Button. You know what happened earlier the last time you touched a big red button, and this could cause even worse problems than-" Suddenly, a loud alarm went off and the place began to flash red again. Robin looked at Palutena with a displeased expression. "You pushed the big red button, did you?"

"Yeah."

"Palutena, I just have one thing to ask you. WHY WOULD YOU PRESS THE BIG RED BUTTON WHEN I CLEARLY TOLD YOU NOT TO PRESS IT?!" Robin asked angrily right in Palutena's face.

"I couldn't help it, Raymond. It told me to press it."

"Well, hopefully it will not get any worse than-"

 _"Self-destruct system activated. Self-destruct will commence in two minutes."_ A robotic voice spoke.

"Self-destruct?! Why would a fortress have a self-destruct button?!"

"Yeah, who do they think would be stupid enough to push that self-destruct button?" Palutena asked, causing Robin to look at her as if she was insane, because she was the idiot that decided to push it.

"Well, why are we standing here?! We have to get out of here before we get blown up!" Robin grabbed Palutena's hand and began to run out the door and down the hallway to head back to where they entered.

"Where did those lasers go, Ronin?"

"What did I say about you asking questions every time we are running?! We just have to hurry up and get out of here as soon as possible before-"

 _"Self-destruct will commence in one minute."_ The robotic voice spoke again.

Palutena started to panic. "What are we gonna do, Rowan?! How are we gonna get out of here?!"

"Gee, I do not know. Maybe through the door that is marked 'Exit'." Robin rolled his eyes, pointing to a door that had an exit sign on top of it.

"Oh. Well then let's hurry up and get outta here!" Palutena and Robin quickly rushed over to the exit and pulled on the handle, but the door wouldn't open. "Oh, no! It won't open! What do we do now?!"

"Oh, that is just great. This is exactly how I wanted to die. Being trapped in an exploding fortress." Robin muttered sarcastically, but then an idea came to his mind. "Wait a minute. I can try to use my Arcfire to burn the door open." He took out a red tome and cast a flame to try to melt the steel door.

"Hurry, Ruben! I don't know how much time we have left before-"

 _"Thirty seconds until self-destruct."_

"Hurry Raymond, hurry! Hurry and get the door open!"

"I am trying!" It took a while, but Robin finally managed to burn a hole in the door just big enough for them to fit, and then they quickly got out of the fortress and began to run as far away as they could.

 _"Ten seconds. 10...9...8..."_

"Roland, why is there a countdown. Is there a rocket that's about to blast off?"

"No! The fortress is going to self-destruct! We have to get as far away from here as possible!"

 _"7...6...5..."_

"Oh, there has got to be some kind of shelter somewhere!" Robin quickly looked around the area, but there was no sign of anything. "Oh, no! We are not going to survive if we do not find shelter!"

"We could just jump into that ditch." Palutena suggested as she pointed to a rather shallow ditch in the ground.

"Are you crazy?! That is not big enough to protect us from the explosion!"

 _"4...3...2..."_

"Well, too bad, Ronin. We're gonna get into that ditch!"

Robin was about to protest, but then he realized that they didn't really have much of a choice. Before he could even say anything else, Palutena grabbed him and dove right into the ditch.

 _"1...0..."_

A deafening explosion then rang in the air as the fortress exploded in a burst of flames, causing several pieces of molten metal and scraps to fly everywhere and land on the ground around the ditch.

"Wow! Look at this meteor shower!" Palutena gasped in awe as she stood up in the ditch.

"Get down!" Robin hissed as he quickly pulled her down. The explosion lasted for several minutes before it finally died down. Once the smoke cleared, Palutena and Robin slowly poked their heads up from the ditch to see that the fortress was nothing but a burst of fire. "Did...Did we just blow up the Shrine of Remembrance?" Robin asked.

Suddenly, a sign flew through the air and landed on the ground right in front of them smothered in flames. The sign read, "This is the Fortress of Solitude (no, this has nothing to do with Superman), you idiot! The Shrine of Remembrance is only three..." Robin got up and rushed over to the sign burning on the ground. He quickly put out the flames and wiped the soot off the best he could just so he could read the last part.

"The Shrine of Remembrance is only three..." Robin's face fell when he read the last part. "Thousand miles from here." He stared at the sign for a long while, and then threw it on the ground in exasperation. "Oh, great. It will take us forever to get there."


	3. Gonna Fly Now

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 3: Gonna Fly Now

* * *

"Are we there, Ronin? Did we make it to the Shrine of Remembrance?" Palutena asked as she went over to Robin, who was still kneeling on the ground.

"We are not even close to the shrine." Robin answered in frustration.

Palutena picked up the charred sign on the ground and examined it. "It's only three miles away. That's not far at all!"

"It is only three _thousand_ miles away from here! We will never get to the shrine at this rate! We are stuck here in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the burning remains of a fortress and this stupid sign!"

"...Oh. If only there was a way to us to get there faster. If only one of us would just magiacally grow wings so we can fly there." Suddenly, there was a strange sound, and Palutena looked behind herself and gasped when she saw wings sprouting out of her back. "Rowan, look! I've got wings!"

Robin got up and saw that Palutena did in fact have wings growing out of her back. "How did you do that?!"

"I don't know!" Palutena answered idiotically. "Hey, Raven! Maybe we can get to the shrine faster if we just fly there!"

"That does not sound like a bad idea, but how would we be able to do that? How would you get us both in the air?"

"I know what to do, Ronin. Jump on my back."

Robin looked at Palutena rather strangely. "You want me to get on your back? Do you think I might be a bit to heavy for you?"

"Nah, I'll be fine, Raymond. Now hurry up and jump on!"

"Alright, fine." Robin sighed. However, as soon as he got onto Palutena's back, she instantly fell over and face-planted onto the ground.

"Augh! You're so fat, Roland!"

"I had a feeling you were going to say that. I do not think you would even be able to hold a lot of weight around. I am pretty sure you are not a horse."

"Am I a horse?" Palutena asked as she lifted her head.

"No. No, you are not."

"I...I can do it, Ronald. I'll just fly us over to the shrine and then..." Palutena stood up with Robin still on her back, but then paused for a moment. "Wait a minute..."

"What is it?"

"I think I need to say the magic words to activate my wings. What were they again?"

"Oh, please do not tell me this is the only way your wings will work." Robin groaned.

"Wait! I remember what it was! Up, up, and away!" Palutena shouted to get them into the air...but nothing happened. "No no, that wasn't it." She muttered, and Robin sighed in slight irritation. "Wait, let's try this." Palutena took in a deep breath and then shouted, "To infinity and beyond!" Once again...nothing happened. "No no, that didn't work either."

"What is the use? You are never going to remember the words." Robin muttered as he got off Palutena's back.

"I will remember the magic words, Roland! I just need to concentrate long and hard and not let anything...Hey, look! A sign!" Palutena exclaimed as she bent over to look at the sign lying on the ground. While she was examining it again, Robin ended up getting a good look at her rear. His eyes widened and his face turned red as he quickly covered his mouth with his hands.

"O-Oh, my..." Robin whispered as he quickly turned away, silently slapping himself in the face as he did. _'St-Stop blushing, Robin! That is just going to make you look suspicious!'_

Palutena leaned back up and turned her head to Robin with a look of slight uncertainty on her face. "Were you just staring at my butt?"

"Uhh, no! No, I was-"

Palutena quickly slapped Robin across the face. "Pervert! Don't lie to me and say that you didn't! Your face is all red!"

"I-I was not intentionally staring at your butt! B-But even it I was, i-it was an accident!"

"How dare you, Raymond?! How dare you invade a woman's privacy?! How would you like it if I stared at your butt?! Would you like that?!" Palutena angrily grabbed Robin, threw him onto the ground and started whacking him with the sign.

"I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! I am sorry! I AM SOR-R-R-R-RY!" Robin wailed as Palutena continued to beat him up.

Palutena continued to swing the sign until it broke into pieces and became a stick, but then she suddenly stopped. She became confused and looked down to see Robin lying on the ground whimpering in pain. "Ronald, why are you beat up?"

"Y-You...You were the one that was beating me up!"

"What did I do?"

"Y-You...were...n-never mind." Robin muttered as he got up. "Now are you going to try to figure out how to activate your wings?"

"Oh yeah, right! Uhh...Hocus pocus! Abracadabra! Alakazam! Shazam!" Palutena shouted as she suddenly shot up into the air. Robin looked up to see that she was now floating in the air with her wings glowing. "Richard! I figured out what the magic words were! Now we can fly to...umm...where are we going again?"

"The Shrine of Remembrance."

"Oh yeah, that! Come on, Rowan! Let's go fly to the shrine!"

"But wait. How are you going to carry both of us? I do not have wings like you, so how are you going to get me in the air with you?"

"I can't carry you on my back, Raymond! You're too fat!"

"Thank you for the compliment." Robin muttered sarcastically. "Well what else are we going to do?"

Palutena thought for a moment, and then she thought of something. "Wait a minute, Raven! I've got an idea!"

* * *

Out of all the way Robin had thought about flying, this was definitely the stupidest that was ever thought. He was hanging in the air with a rope tied tightly around his waist, and Palutena had the other end tied to her as she flew in the air with her activated wings. It was supposed to be a way to get both of them flying, but in reality it just looked really derpy.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Robin asked.

"Yes, Ronin! This is the greatest idea ever! We'll get to the Shrine of Remembrance in no time!"

Robin shuddered as he looked down below, which was so far away since they were really high in the air. "Just do not look down, Robin. We are just going to fly for a little bit, and hopefully this will not get too-"

"Ruben, going slow is boring! I wanna fly fast!"

"No wait, Palutena! Do not-" Was all Robin could say before Palutena went from flying as slow as a snail to as fast as a jet plane in an instant. He screamed as they zipped through the air, and they were going so fast that eventually no sound was even coming from his throat. Robin felt like a kite being dragged through the sky, but instead of going against a gentle breeze, it felt like he was falling right inside a tornado. He prayed to the gods that the rope wouldn't untie itself.

Palutena on the other hand, was having an absolute blast with flying fast. She absolutely loved the way the air whipped against her face and how they even went through the clouds every now and then.

"Wheee! Isn't this fun, Ronald?"

"N-No, this is not fun! I...I think I am going to be sick, actually..." Robin moaned, feeling his stomach doing backflips and his head starting to spin.

 **3 minutes of stupid flying later...**

After three whole minutes of stupid, aimless flying, Palutena finally got back to going slow, and Robin went back to dangling right below her. "Whoo, that was fun. Did you have fun, Raymond?"

"N-No..." Robin answered weakly. He felt incredibly nauseous from all that fast flying, and he might have also lost his lunch two or three times. It was a miracle that the rope hadn't untied itself.

"How are you feeling?"

"N-Not so good. I...I think I am going to..." Robin belched and his face started to turn a sickly green. "H-Heave...again..."

"Need another barf bag?" Palutena quickly tossed a airsickness bag that she had pulled out of nowhere and Robin managed to catch it with a weak and trembling hand. She flew in awkwardness as she heard him begin to empty the contents of his upset stomach into the bag. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Robin finally stopped. "You done now?"

"Y-Yes...I feel...much better now." Robin answered as he threw away the bag. "J-Just please do not ever go fast again."

Meanwhile, a bunch of shady figures in brown robes were standing on a roof hooking up some sort of cannon.

"Okay, so the red wire connects to the blue one, and the black one goes wherever the f**k I want it to go." The leader said.

"Man, Ah hate my job! Ah won' sum fried chicken!" One of the figures spoke in a ghetto voice.

"Yeah, why does the boss have to make us hook up this stupid cannon anyway?" Another figured asked.

"The boss makes us do stupid stuff because we've got nothing else to do with our miserable lives." A fourth one answered.

"Well, screw dat s**t! Ah'm goin' git me sum fried chicken!" The ghetto figure snapped as he left.

"Okay, but don't get any of that nasty white meat." The leader said.

Suddenly, the figures then noticed two beings flying across the sky.

"Hey, look! It's a bird!" One figure exclaimed.

"It's a plane!" The fourth one exclaimed as well.

"It's a fried chicken!" The ghetto one exclaimed.

"No, you idiots! It's just two idiots flying through the air tied to a rope." The leader looked over at the two figures flying in the distance. "Those people must be high as f**k."

"Well, what are we going do?" One of the figures asked.

"Forget about those idiots. Let's go get some fried chicken." The figures then left the roof, and while they were leaving, one of them unknowingly flipped the switch on the cannon and it began to charge.

Meanwhile, Palutena and Robin continued to fly through the sky.

"We're almost there, Ruben! We just got a few more miles to go!"

"Palutena, do you even know where we are going?" Robin asked.

"Yes...maybe...no..."

"What is the point of flying if we are not even getting anywhere?! If we are just going to waste time flying to some random place, then-"

Suddenly, there was a loud bang from somewhere, and before Robin could figure out what it was, he noticed that Palutena was flying away from him. He quickly looked up and realized that the rope he was tied to had snapped, and that he was floating in the air due to lame cartoon physics. Robin stayed suspended in the air for five seconds, before he began to fall down to earth.

Palutena continued flying, completely unaware of what just happened. "Hey, Rowan! I think I can see something over there!" There was no response. "Ronin?" Palutena looked down and saw that Robin was no longer attached to the rope. "Raymond? Where did you go?"

Robin screamed as he continued to fall through the endless sky. He feared that he was going to hit the ground hard and by the time Palutena would notice that he was no longer with her, it would be too late. Robin closed his eyes and waited for him to go splat on the ground, but then he suddenly stopped falling. He slowly opened his eyes saw that Palutena was holding him in her arms.

"I got you, Roland!"

"Th-Thank you, Palutena. I thought you would never come and save me." Robin sighed in relief, but then noticed something. "Wait a minute. If you say I am too heavy for you, then how are you floating in place?" As soon as he said that, they began to plummet straight down to the earth. "I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Don't worry, Raymond. I can still carry us both." Palutena spread her wings and began to slow their decent. Robin noticed that they were still falling and became horrified when he saw something.

"Umm, Palutena?"

"Yes, Ronald?"

"Your...Your wings..."

"My wings? What about them?"

"They...They are burning!"

"What?" Palutena looked behind her and gasped when she saw that her wings were in fact on fire. Flames were starting to scorch the feathers and they quickly began to spread to her skin. "Aah! Aah! Fire! Fire! I'm on fire! I'm on fire!" Palutena screamed as she began to roll around in the sky in an attempt to put the fire out, but it was no use. There was no ground to suffocate the flames. As Palutena continued to roll around, a fiery aura formed around her and Robin, causing them to start shooting across the sky like a meteor.

"Palutena, stop! Stop moving!" Robin shouted, but it was no use. There was no way they could possibly stop now when they were just a giant fireball searing through the sky.

"Aah! Raven! I...I can feel my back burning! Ow! It feels like my skin is peeling off!" Palutena screamed in intense pain.

Robin tried to get Palutena to stop panicking, but there was no use trying. There was no way they were going to survive this. Yes, both of our heroes are going to die an explosive, fiery death in just the third chapter. With nothing else left to do, Robin only closed his eyes, ignoring the searing sensation of the fireball and Palutena's screams of pain.

And then they finally hit the ground. The impact caused an explosion so huge, it created a blast of white light which could blind anyone in the area. Once the smoke had cleared, all that was left on the ground was a deep crater, as well as two motionless and charred bodies. This is it. This is the end of our heroes. Palutena and Robin are dead. They had failed to find the Shrine of Remembrance thanks to Palutena's amnesiac stupidity and Robin's inability to stop pointing out sensible things. May their souls forever rest in peace.

 **The End**

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 **Just kidding! Did you really think I'd end this story on a tragic note? Hell naw.**

Robin slowly opened his eyes and groaned. His ears were ringing and all he could see was white. Eventually, his vision began to return to him and he could see the blue sky as well as smoke and flames surrounding him. Somehow...he was still alive. He had absolutely no idea how, but he was alive. Although his whole body hurt, Robin tried to lift himself up, and hissed as he felt a sudden sharp pain in his side. He then looked and saw that his left arm was completely battered and bending in the wrong way, and feared that it might be broken. Using his other arm, which was also very battered, Robin managed to lift himself up and get onto his feet. It hurt so bad, but he was able to stand up and look around.

"P-Palutena? P-Palutena, wh-where are you?" Robin asked weakly as he looked around the crash site. All he could see was smoke and flames everywhere, and his vision was still a bit blurry. Suddenly, Robin noticed something in the distance and made his way over to it. He gasped when he saw that it was Palutena lying there unconscious and her body was also badly burned and battered, and her back and wings were completely charred. "Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, p-please do not tell me she did not make it." Robin started to fear the absolute worst, he started to fear that Palutena really was dead. Using what little strength he had left, he lifted her body and carried her on his back. It took some great effort, but Robin managed to get them both out of the crater and almost collapsed from the intense pain in his body. "Oh, th-there has got to be some kind of..."

Robin then noticed a sign in front of them that said, "Conveniently Placed Spring of Healing straight ahead."

"H-Healing spring! Th-That is it!" Robin quickly went over to the spring (well, as quickly as he possibly could when his entire body was hurting and most of his bones were probably broken) and he collapsed to his knees in front of the water. "Th-This better work." He dipped Palutena's body into the water of the spring, and sure enough, her wings began to grow back and her entire body was perfectly healed. "P-Palutena, c-can you hear me? D-Do you have your memory back?"

Palutena's eyes opened and she quickly sat up and hollered, "Merry Christmas!"

"N-Nope. Sh-She is still stupid..." Robin muttered, and then he collapsed to the ground in intense pain.

"Roland! What happened to you?!" Palutena asked in shock.

"I...I do not think I can...hold on much longer. J-Just...th-throw me in the water. It...It will heal me. B-But p-please do it c-carefully."

"Okay." Palutena picked up Robin and put him into the purifying waters of the healing spring, and sure enough, all of his wounds were healed and he could no longer feel pain.

"Ronin, are you okay?"

"Yes, I feel so much better now. Now that we are perfectly healed, let us just go and..." Robin got up and looked over his healed body, when he noticed that something was missing. "Where is my Levin Sword?!"

"You mean that crooked looking thing that bat is holding?" Palutena asked as she pointed behind him.

Robin then looked to see a small purple bat carrying his sword with its feet. "Hey! What are you doing with that?! That Levin Sword belongs to me!" The small bat blew a raspberry at him and began to fly away with his sword. "Hey, come back here! You have no use for a weapon like that! You are not getting away with that!" Robin shouted as he and Palutena began to chase after the goddamned bat.


	4. Goddamned Bats

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 4: Goddamned Bats

* * *

Palutena and Robin continued to chase after the purple bat all the way up a mountain until they reached a cave where it flew into and disappeared, taking Robin's Levin Sword with it.

"Oh, great. A bat just took my Levin Sword. Now we have to waste some more time going through a cave." Robin muttered as he began to walk towards the dark cavern.

"Hey Roland, I bet if we yell into the cave, it'll yell back at us."

"Why are you going to waste your time doing-"

"I'M AN IDIOT!" Palutena shouted into the cave.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" The cave shouted back.

"Well! This cave is _rude_!"

Robin rolled his eyes. "Look, I do not want to spend a lot of time here. Let us just get through this cave and get my Levin Sword and then we will-" Robin began to walk inside, but as soon as he took one step into the cave, some random battle music started up and the screen suddenly flashed into black. "What the?" The area then changed and a small blue bat appeared and let out a shrill cry.

 _A wild Zubat appeared!_

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._

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 _..._

Palutena finally noticed the text box on the screen, and then she realized what was going on. She looked at Robin and put two-and-two together. "GO, RAYMOND!" Palutena shouted as she grabbed Robin and literally threw him into the battlefield.

Before Robin even knew what was happening, he found himself flying in the air and he landed on the ground face-first. After he got up and dusted himself off, a text box with four options appeared in front of him.

 _What will Robin do?_

Robin looked at the four options which were 'Fight', 'Pokémon', 'Bag', and 'Run'. He really didn't want to waste any time fighting any goddamned bats, so he decided to select 'Run'.

 _Can't escape!_

 _'Are you kidding me?! I cannot run from this tiny bat?!'_ Robin asked himself incredulously. He had no idea what 'Bag' did, so he decided to select it next.

 _You have no items!_

 _'Well that is really good to know, text box!'_ Robin thought sarcastically. He looked at the other two options and just out of curiosity he selected 'Pokémon'.

 _You don't have any Pokémon, you imbecile! Now hurry up and select 'Fight' already!_

Robin sighed in defeat. It looked like he had no choice but to fight the Zubat, so he selected 'Fight' and chose an attack.

 _Robin used Thunder!_

Robin took out his tome and fired a small bolt of lightning at the Zubat. The attack connected with the bat and instantly defeated it, causing it to fall to the ground in defeat.

 _It's super effective! Wild Zubat fainted! Robin gained 2 Exp. points!_

"Well, at least that is over. Hopefully we will not have to deal with a lot of these-" As soon as Robin took another step into the cave, the wild Pokémon battle theme started up and the screen flashed to black again. "I always speak too soon, do I?!"

 _Another wild Zubat appeared!_

"GO, RAVEN!" Palutena shouted as she grabbed Robin and threw him into battle once again.

 _What will Robin do?_

Robin sighed in defeat again. He knew he couldn't run away and the 'Pokémon' and 'Bag' options were useless, so he selected 'Fight' again.

 _Robin used Thunder!_

Robin took out his tome and cast another bolt of lightning. Once again the attack instantly defeated the Zubat and it fell to the ground next to the other defeated Zubat.

 _It's super effective! Wild Zubat fainted! Robin gained 2 Exp. points!_

"I swear if we run into one more bat, I am going to-" Robin took another step into the cave, and guess what? The Pokémon battle music started up again and he was thrown into battle again. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

 _Another freakin' wild Zubat appeared!_

"GO, RO-"

"I know, I know! You do not have to remind me!" Robin snapped as he walked into battle, grumbling in exasperation as the text box appeared in front of him.

 _What will Robin do?_

 _'You know what I want to do? I want to strangle the person that is inside this text box!'_ Robin thought angrily. He was really starting to lose his patience with the fact that he had just encountered three bats in less than two minutes. He was not going to waste another second using Thunder on a weak little bat, so he selected 'Run', hoping that he would actually be able to escape this time.

 _..._

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 _Got away safely!_

Robin sighed in relief, and then began to run away from the Zubat. However, he wasn't able to get very far before Palutena stopped him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I am running away so that we do not have to deal with that bat."

"Oh no, you're not! You're gonna go over there and fight that monster!" Palutena grabbed Robin and held him above her head, and he desperately struggled to free himself from her grasp.

"No! No! No! No! I am not fighting another bat!"

"Yes, you _are_!" Palutena snapped as she threw Robin back into the battle. He ended up landing hard on his back and his Thunder tome landed several feet away from his grasp. Robin tried to reach his hand out to grab his tome, but he couldn't even move his body off the ground.

 _Wild Zubat used Leech Life!_

The wild Zubat quickly flew down to Robin and enclosed its mouth right on his face, wrapping its wings around his head as it began to suck his blood.

"AAAHHH! GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!" Robin screamed as he got up and began to frantically run around the cave with the Zubat attached to his face. "PALUTENA! DO NOT JUST STAND THERE! HELP ME!"

"Okay." Palutena looked around the cave and spotted Robin's tome lying on the ground, and she quickly went over to it. "I'll save you, Rowan!" She picked up the tome and swung it right at Robin's face, sending him flying and slamming right into a wall. The Zubat let go of his face and flew away in fright. "I did it, Richard! I got rid of the bat!" The only response was a moan. "Ronald?" Palutena looked to see Robin leaning against the wall with his eyes all swirly and stars circling around his head. "Ronin, are you okay?"

"Y-Yes, I-I am alright! I see pretty lights! Pretty lights dancing all around me! S-So pretty!" Robin answered dazedly with a goofy smile, and Palutena shook his shoulders to snap him out of it. "H-Huh? Wh-What happened?"

"Uhh...I don't know."

"Of course you do not." Robin got up and took one step into the cave, but this time...nothing happened. He then took a couple more steps and there was no battle music or Zubats. "Oh, thank goodness. No more bats. Come on, Palutena. Let us just hurry up and find my Levin Sword and get out of here."

* * *

Palutena and Robin continued to walk down the dark cave, and it got darker the deeper they went. Eventually, it was so dark they couldn't even see what was in front of them.

"Roland, where are we? I can't see a thing!"

"I know, Palutena! You have been saying that for the past two minutes!" Robin sighed. "Is there some kind of torch or something that could help us see?" Suddenly, he felt something hit the back of his head. "Ow! Palutena, was that you?"

"Sorry, Rowan. I think I might of accidentally hit you with that large stick."

"How do you still have that?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you better stop messing around with..." Robin began, but then he thought of something. "Wait a minute. Palutena, give me that stick."

"Okay. Where are you?"

"I am right in front of you."

"Okay." Palutena turned around in the pitch black dark. "I can't see you, Raymond!"

"I know you cannot see me! Just reach your hand out and touch!"

"Okay." There was then some silence in the dark. "Augh! You feel so cold and hard, like a rock!"

"That is probably because you _are_ touching a rock!" Robin shouted, and then he held his arm out in the dark. "Here, just hold your arm out and grab onto my hand when you can feel it."

"Okay." Palutena reached her arm out and blindly moved it around until she could feel Robin's hand and grabbed onto it. "I got it, Roland!"

"Great. Now give me the stick."

"Uhh...Ronald?"

"What is it?"

"...I don't have it."

"What do you mean you do not have it?"

"I think I might've dropped it on accident. I guess I'll have to just search for it."

"Oh, for Naga's sake! Why do you always have to make everything so difficult?!" Robin groaned in frustration. "You know what?! Forget about the stick! I will just use my Arcfire to light way." He took out a tome from his robe. "This better be Arcfire." Suddenly, a huge discharge of electricity shot out of the tome and completely engulfed Robin's body and lit up the whole room. He dropped the tome on the ground and he stood there, his eyes wide, hair completely frazzled, and his body glowing like a lightbulb.

"You did it, Richard! We can see now!"

"O-Or I guess Thunder could work as well..." Robin wheezed as he collapsed to the ground.

"Ruben, what happened to your hair? It's all...poofy."

"Now I know what it feels like to be a lightbulb." Robin muttered as he shook his head to make his hair go back to normal. He then noticed a small purple bat perched in the corner of the room. He quickly realized that it was the same bat from earlier and sure enough, it was looking over a shiny sword. "Hey! That is the bat that stole my Levin Sword!" Robin quickly got up and started to run towards the bat. "Hey, you! Give me my sword back!"

The purple bat and turned around to see Robin running towards it. It quickly flew up and let out an ear-piercing screech, causing sound waves to head towards him.

"Ronin, cover your ears!" Palutena warned as she covered her ears.

"You are not getting away with my-" Robin continued to run towards the bat when the sound waves hit him, causing him to become confused. His eyes became swirly again and he started stumbling around while the small bat flew away with his sword. "I-I am going to get you! C-Come back here, you stupid bat! I-I will get you with an...Arcthunder!" Robin shouted in a daze as he cast a Thunder spell towards Palutena, completely oblivious with the fact that she wasn't an enemy.

Palutena quickly dodged the electric attack and ran towards Robin. "Roland, snap out of it!"

"Th-Think you can resist the Thunder? Th-Then feel my...Elwind!" Robin casted a wind spell which threw him back and right into Palutena.

"Ronin, stop! You're hurting yourself!"

"Y-You will not escape my...Arcfire!" Robin moaned as he smacked himself in the head with his tome and ended up burning his face.

"Stop it, Raymond!" Palutena shouted as she slapped Robin across the face, causing him to snap back to his senses.

"Ow...why is my head spinning?" Robin asked as he put his hand on his head. He then put his hand down to his face and became confused when he felt ash. "And why is there ash on my face?"

"You were hurting yourself because you were confused. I tried to tell you to cover your ears, but you didn't listen to me."

"Those sound waves made me confused? Well, thank you for snapping me out of it. You know what, that was actually the smartest thing you have said so far."

"Uhh...what was? Oh, yeah! I like buttons!"

"And...you ruined it." Robin sighed. "Come on, let us just hurry up and find my Levin Sword...wherever it is."

* * *

"Oh, this is hopeless! We will never find my Levin Sword at this rate! We are pretty much just running around in circles and getting into battles with stupid bats and..."

"Raven, look! There's your crooked looking thing!" Palutena suddenly exclaimed as she pointed to somewhere.

Robin looked to where Palutena was pointing, and sure enough, there was the Levin Sword. It was stuck in a rock in the middle of a room. "The Levin Sword!" Robin was about to run into the room, but then stopped and turned to Palutena. "I am going to go in there and get my sword so we can finally get out of here. Just stay right here, and do not do anything stupid, okay?" He asked, and she nodded in understanding. "Good." He then started to head into the room.

As Robin started to make his way to the middle of the room, Palutena looked up and gasped silently when she saw something. "Roland, wait!"

"What is it now?!" Robin asked in slight irritation.

"Look!" Palutena whispered, pointing above his head.

Robin looked up and his eyes widened at what he saw. "Sweet mother of Grima..." The roof of the cave was completely covered in blue and purple, and they were thousands of Zubat sleeping, some of them looking bigger than others. "Oh, that is just great. Just what I needed." Robin grumbled. He was already annoyed that he had to deal with three of those goddamned bats, but now that he was in a room with practically hundreds of them, he couldn't possibly imagine what would happen if they all woke up. As quietly as he possibly could, Robin snuck to the middle of the room and to the Levin Sword. He put both of his hands on the handle and began to pull, but the sword wouldn't get out. He tried his absolute hardest to pull out the Levin Sword, but it wouldn't budge on bit.

"Hurry up, Ronald! Don't wake up the bats!"

"I am...trying! It...It is stuck!" Robin began to pull as hard as he possibly could, but he still couldn't get the Levin Sword out. "Palutena, could you please come over here and help me?"

"Okay!" Palutena almost shouted as she began to run into the room.

"Quietly!" Robin hissed. Palutena nodded and began to walk more slowly and quietly towards him . "My Levin Sword is...stuck. I do not know if I can...get it out...by myself."

"Let me try." Robin let Palutena try to pull out the Levin Sword, and she managed to pull it out of the rock effortlessly. However, as soon as she pulled out the sword, three small pebbles flew out of the crevice of the rock and began to fall towards the ground. Palutena and Robin watched in horror as the pebbles slowly descended to the ground as if it was in slow motion. They began to brace themselves for a loud crash that would wake up the bats, but the pebbles landed on the ground without making a sound. They then opened their eyes to see that nothing happened. "Well, that was anticlimatic. We got your sword now, Raymond. So let's just get out of here and..." Palutena began to walk away, but as soon as she took one step, a loud crashing sound rang through the entire room.

The entire roof of the cavern came to life with every single Zubat lifting their heads up to look for the cause of the noise that disturbed their slumber, and right in the middle of it lay a large purple bat with several large blue bats surrounding it, who woke up with a start. The bats all flew off the roof of the cave and completely surrounded Palutena and Robin.

"You! You dare disturb our slumber?!" The giant Crobat asked angrily, and the several Golbat flew even closer to them.

Palutena looked at Robin with slight concern. "Should we start running now?"

"Just give me the Levin Sword, and then we will run." Robin whispered.

"Okay." Palutena gave Robin the Levin Sword and they quickly darted out of the room.

"Get them!" The Crobat commanded and all of its Zubat and Golbat minions began to chase after the intruders.

"Roland, which way are we going?" Palutena asked as her and Robin began to run down a narrow corridor.

"I do not know! Stop asking questions every time we run!" Robin yelled. The swarm of bats were right on their tail, and some Zubat even went in to try to get them, but he quickly swatted them away with his Levin Sword. "Get back! Stay away! We have to find a way out of here before these bats get us!"

"Ruben, look! I think I see a light!"

Robin looked to see that they heading towards an opening of the cave with daylight shining through it. "Yes! An exit! Come on, Palutena! Head for the exit and whatever you do, do not stop running!" As the two of them continued to run towards the light, the Zubat swarm began to gain on them. "Come on, come on! We can make it!"

Suddenly, a Golbat flew towards the two of them. It went over to Robin and closed its gaping mouth into his arm, its fangs turning a dark purple as it did. Robin let out a yelp of pain as he felt the Golbat's fangs sink into his skin, and he also began to feel it inject some kind of substance into him with every suck of his blood. He desperately tried to pry it off, but it wouldn't let go. "Palutena! Get this vampire bat off of me!"

"Okay!" Palutena said as she started to pull at the Golbat rather roughly.

"Ow! Not so hard!"

"Sorry, Raymond!" With some great effort, Palutena finally managed to pry the Golbat off of Robin's arm and quickly threw it behind her.

The swarm of Zubat all stopped for a moment to look at the unconscious Golbat lying on the ground. They all became furious and flew even faster as Palutena and Robin continued to run for their lives.

"Come on, Raven! We can make it! We're almost to the light!"

"Yes. We are almost there..." Suddenly, Robin began to feel a little weak in his body. He felt like he could barely move his legs and his head started to feel a bit feverish. Robin suddenly collapsed to the ground as Palutena continued running.

Palutena quickly stopped and turned around and she saw Robin lying on the ground. "Roland, come on! Get up!"

"I...I do not think I can...get up...I am feeling...very...weak..." Robin moaned as his vision slowly started to fade.

"Don't worry, Richard. I'll help you." Palutena quickly went over and grabbed Robin off of the ground and carried him in her arms just as the swarm of Zubat continued to chase after her as she ran towards the light. Robin moaned as he rested his head against Palutena's chest, his eyes slowly starting to flutter shut. "Don't worry, Ronin. We're almost there. We'll figure out what's wrong with you as soon as we-" Palutena finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel, but completely stopped in her tracks when she saw that it was a dead end on the edge of a cliff. She then turned around to see the Zubat quickly heading right for them. "Oh, no! What do we do?!" Palutena asked frantically, and she realized that they really didn't have a choice. It was either jump or face the bats. Without any time to think, Palutena quickly took in a breath and jumped off the edge of the cliff just as the swarm of poisonous bats poured out of the cavern. She fell all the way down the cliff landed right into a thick brush of a forest down below.

The Zubat all looked around and they didn't see any signs of any intruders. They soon gave up and went back inside the cave.

Once there was nothing but silence in the sky, Palutena whispered to Robin. "Hey Roland, I think the bats are gone now." The only response was a low moan of pain. "Rowan?" Palutena looked at the source of the sound and gasped at what she saw. The sleeve of Robin's left arm was torn and there were small puncture marks on his arm, blood and some other strange substance leaking out. His eyes were closed and his face was pale, except for a deep purple blush that spread across his cheeks and he let out another moan. Palutena quickly realized that Robin was badly injured and that he needed help immediately.

"Oh, no. Raymond, you're hurt! I've gotta go get some medicine." Palutena gently put Robin down on a bed of grass, and he tilted his head and let out another low moan. "Don't worry, Richard. I'm gonna get help. You just stay right there, and I'll be right back."


	5. Quest to Find the Random Pharmacy

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 5: Quest to Find the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience

* * *

"I've gotta go get some medicine for Rowan." Palutena started to walk through the forest to try to find someone or something that could help Robin. "There must be some kind of...Hey, look! A sign!" She noticed a sign and she went over and read it.

 _The Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience only twenty miles away._

"That's it! I've just gotta find the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience and Richard will be healed!" Palutena was about to run, but then stopped. "But...how am I gonna get there? I don't know. I'm just gonna walk." And so she began to walk to the random pharmacy.

* * *

Robin moaned as he opened his eyes. His vision was completely blurry and he felt extremely feverish. He tried to get up, only to find that he couldn't move his body, and he felt a stinging pain in his left arm.

Through his blurry vision, Robin saw something approach him. He assumed that it was Palutena, but he couldn't make out a single hint of green or white. Instead the figure was dark brown and pink. Robin couldn't hold on any longer and lost consciousness again just as the figure got closer to him.

* * *

After walking around aimlessly for several minutes, Palutena began to walk on a path that she was sure would take her to the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience. After walking down that path for about ten minutes, she ended up at a random building that stood in the middle of nowhere.

"I did it! I found the the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience!" Palutena quickly rushed inside the pharmacy.

"Welcome to the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience. How may I help you?" The man behind the counter asked.

"I need some medicine for my friend Richard. Something terrible happened to him!"

"What happened to your friend?"

"He got bit by this giant bat and it was sucking his blood and there was blood and weird stuff on his arm and his face was all purple and he was moaning and I gotta get some medicine to help him!" Palutena explained quickly.

"Hmmm...it seems to me like your friend got poisoned."

"Poisoned?"

"Yes. That bat must've used Poison Fang on him and it badly poisoned him. Glad you came quickly. Pokémon poison can be kind of lethal to humans."

"Oh, no! I don't want Ronin to die!"

"Hey, don't worry. I've got the perfect medicine for your friend. Wait right here."

"Okay." Palutena nodded as the man went in the back to get the medicine. While she waited, she began to pace around nervously. "Raven will be fine. I'll just wait here and...uhh...what was I here for again?"

After waiting for about a minute, the man came back holding a small yellow spray bottle. "Here, take this." The man said, handing the medicine to Palutena.

"Uhh...what is this?"

"It's an Antidote. All you gotta do is spray that medicine on his wound and he'll be better in no time."

"Okay. I'll now...wait...I don't have any money."

"Oh, it's alright. It's all on me. Now, go out there and go take that medicine to your friend."

"Oh, thank you Guy Who Runs the Random Pharmacy That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience!" Palutena called out as she headed out the door. As soon as she left the pharmacy, she looked behind her to see that it was no longer there due to it being no longer relevant to the plot. "Now all I gotta do is take this medicine to Ronin and he'll be all better. Uhh...where did I leave him?"

* * *

When Robin finally came to his senses, he was met with the bright rays of the sun. He quickly noticed that his vision was more clear and he no longer felt a stinging pain in his arm. Robin sat up and noticed that he was in some kind of nest. A bird's nest, but instead of being made of twigs like he would expect, this nest was completely made of bones.

"Where am I?" Robin looked around to see that he was alone. "Where is Palutena?"

"Hey! He's awake!"

Robin turned around and saw that there were three creatures right behind him. They looked to be like baby vultures, and they were wearing skulls on their abdomens, almost making it look like a diaper.

"What is going on? How did I get here?"

Suddenly, Robin heard a screech from above, and he quickly looked up to see a large vulture flying into the nest.

"Alright, that's enough, children." The large vulture said.

"But Mama, we're hungry!" The baby vultures whines.

"Look, I already wasted time getting Pecha Berries because _somebody_ didn't want to eat our dinner when he was poisoned, and I'm too tired to..."

 _'That is not possible. I thought vultures only eat dead meat.'_ Robin thought to himself. He looked at the large vulture as it continued to talk to its babies about their plans on eating him. The last thing Robin ever would have wanted was to become bird food, and he knew he had to come up with a way to avoid being on the menu and fast. "Umm...e-excuse me, Miss Vulture..."

"Don't call me vulture! I'm a Mandibuzz for crying out loud!"

"O-Oh, s-sorry. Umm...I would just like to ask...when you were flying around, did you happen to see a woman?"

"What do you mean?! I've seen a lot of women!"

"I guess I should give a description of her. She has a white dress and long green hair. C-Could you go and get her for me?" Robin asked nervously.

"Fine. But when I come back, we're having dinner." The Mandibuzz sighed as she flew away.

Robin sighed a sigh of relief. _'That was close.'_

"Hey! Why can't we have dinner now?" One of the Vullaby asked.

"Yeah, I'm starving!" Another Vullaby shouted.

"Yeah, I wanna eat now!" The third Vullaby demanded.

Robin looked at the three baby vultures in shock. "Oh, man."

* * *

Palutena was walking through the forest with the Antidote that she had gotten from the pharmacy.

"I did it. I got the medicine for Rowan. Now all I gotta do is find him and..." Suddenly, Palutena heard a screech from somewhere, and she quickly looked up to see what looked to be a vulture hovering over her. "Oh, look! A bird!"

The Mandibuzz looked down to see a woman, and she looked just like what Robin had described her as. The vulture flew down and landed in front of her.

"Hey, bird! I'm just gonna go and give this medicine to my friend Roland."

"Look, random green-haired lady. Do you know a man with white hair and a black coat? Well, I have him."

Palutena gasped. "You found Ruben?!"

"Yeah, he told me to go look for you. Though, I don't know why he would want me to-"

"Take me to Raymond! Take me to Raven!" Palutena chanted excitedly.

"Alright, fine. Just jump on my back and we'll-"

"Wheee! Flying time!" Palutena jumped right onto the Mandibuzz's back, causing her to let out a squawk and fall to the ground.

"Oh Arceus, you're so heavy!" The Mandibuzz groaned as she struggled to get up. "Could you seriously not jump on me like that?"

"Giddy up, horsie! Giddy up!"

"Alright, alright, jeez. I'm going already." The Mandibuzz groaned as she began to carry Palutena into the air.

* * *

Back in the nest, Robin desperately tried to escape. The three Vullaby were all over him, constantly pecking at him and demanding when their next meal was going to come.

"O-Ow! St-Stop that! G-Get down! I-I am sure your mother will be back a-any minute now!"

Right above them, the Mandibuzz and Palutena were hovering.

"Dear Arceus, you're so heavy." The Mandibuzz groaned.

"Are we at Roland yet?" Palutena asked eagerly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, now shut up and get in there." The Mandibuzz muttered as she dropped Palutena into her nest.

"O-Ow! C-Can you please let go of my-" Suddenly, Robin heard a whistling sound and before he could figure out where it came from, the three Vullaby looked up and then quickly moved out of the way just as Palutena fell into the nest and landed right on top of him.

"Ronald! You're alive!" Palutena cheered as she pulled Robin out from underneath her and squeezed him tightly.

"Okay, now that I brought your stupid lady over here..." The Mandibuzz began as she readied her sharp talons. "It's dinner time!"

"Dinner time?! What are we eating?" Palutena asked.

"Umm, I would not be asking that if I were you..." Robin warned.

"Oh, only the most delicious, thickest, and juiciest meat imaginable." The Mandibuzz answered as she imagined Palutena and Robin as two large pieces of thick, juicy meat.

"Umm...Palutena, I-I think we should be going now!"

"Why would we be leaving now, Raymond? Isn't it great that we're gonna be having dinner with these nice birds?"

"N-No, y-you do not understand, Palutena. We are not going to eat dinner." Robin told Palutena nervously as the Mandibuzz prepared to strike. "We are going to _be_ dinner! Palutena, look out!" He suddenly shouted as he quickly pushed them out of the way just as the vulture swooped down to try to grab them. "We have to get out of here!" Robin grabbed Palutena's arm and jumped out of the nest before the Mandibuzz could try to grab them again.

"Oh, you can run, but you can't hide."

"Mama, we're hungry!" The three Vullaby whined.

"I know, my babies. I will be right back with our dinner." The Mandibuzz replied as she flew out of the nest to chase after her prey.

Palutena and Robin slid down the rocky mountain where the nest was resting on top of. Robin didn't realize that they were on top of a mountain until it was too late.

"Isn't this fun, Richard?" Palutena asked as she and Robin continued to slide down the mountain.

"Fun?! You call running from a blood-thirsty vulture FUN?!" Robin asked incredulously.

"No, I'm talking about this slide!"

"Palutena, this is not time to be having fun because we are about to eaten by-" Suddenly, the Mandibuzz grabbed them and began to carry them into the air.

"Oh, no! What are we gonna do, Ruben?!"

"Well, it looks like I have no choice but to do this." Robin answered, and then he took out his Levin Sword and quickly swung it right at the Mandibuzz, causing her to let out a screech and drop them. The two of them fell down the mountain and landed right into a raging river. They then floated up to the surface and they saw that the Mandibuzz was flying away.

"H-Hey look, Raven! That bird's flying away!" Palutena said, but then she noticed something. "Uhh, Roland? I think we might be heading towards a waterfall."

"Oh, of course we are going to go down a waterfall! Why would we _not_ be going down a waterfall?!" Robin quickly looked around to try to find something to get them out, and he noticed a large branch right next to the river. He grabbed onto Palutena's arm and began to quickly swim towards the branch, and he reached his other hand out and managed to grab onto it. However, he wasn't able to hold on for long as the branch began to break, and it eventually snapped.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Robin screamed as the branch snapped and he and Palutena fell down the waterfall. They fell all the way down and landed into another raging river right below. Robin quickly tried to get up to the surface but then he felt his head hit something hard. He then floated up to the surface and his vision soon started to fade.


	6. Ship Teasing

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 6: Ship Teasing

* * *

"Roland? Ronin, wake up!"

"Uggghh..."

"Wake up, Ronald!"

Robin slowly opened his eyes to see Palutena hovering over him. "P...Palutena..." He managed to gasp out.

"Oh, thank goodness you're okay, Raven! I thought you'd never wake up!"

"What happened? Where are we?" Robin sat up and then noticed something. "Why am I in my underwear?!" Sure enough, he was lying on the ground in nothing but his undies.

"Your clothes were wet, so I hung them up to dry. You were out all night, and I was getting worried about you."

"I was out the whole NIGHT?!" Robin asked in complete shock. He couldn't believe that in just one day he had met an amnesiac woman, escaped from a self-destructing futuristic fortress, almost died from flying, and got chased by a group of goddamned bats and blood-thirsty vultures. It was definitely one hell of a day for Robin if there ever was one. "What were you doing the entire night?!"

"I was just looking after you while our clothes dried. And you know what else I did? I slept right next to you naked."

There was nothing but silence for almost a full minute. After collecting his thoughts on what he had just been told, Robin screamed in terror and quickly moved himself away from Palutena panting. "You slept...right next to me...while I was unconscious...WITH NO CLOTHES ON?! ARE YOU _**INSANE?!**_ "

"My clothes were wet, so I had to hang them up too. Your body felt so warm when I was sleeping right next to it..."

"Okay, can I please have my clothes back?!"

"Okay. They're over there." Palutena said, pointing to a rock where his clothes were lying.

Robin felt extremely uncomfortable as he got up and hid behind a tall rock as he put his clothes back on. After about two minutes, he was all dressed and stepped out from behind the rock.

"Alright, now that I have got my clothes back on, we can now..." Robin looked around and realized that they were literally in the middle of nowhere. There was absolutely nothing within sight. Nothing but a bunch of sand and rocks. "Oh, that is just great! We are stuck in the middle of a desert! Now we are probably nowhere near to the Shrine of Remembrance!" Robin groaned as he folded his arms.

"What's the problem, Roland?" Palutena asked as she went up to him.

"What is the problem? WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?! YOU are the problem! YOU are the reason that we keep getting into stupid situations!" Robin angrily snapped at her.

"B-But...I was only trying to help, Roland."

"And another thing. MY NAME IS ROBIN! ROBIN! NOT ROLAND! NOT RAVEN! ROBIN! R-O-B-I-N! FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN! HOW HARD IS IT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER SOMEONE'S NAME?! I CAN ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR NAME, SO WHY CAN YOU NOT WITH MY NAME?! YOU ARE ALWAYS FORGETTING EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS EVERY FIVE SECONDS! YOU PROBABLY DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHY WE ARE EVEN ON THIS STUPID ADVENTURE IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Robin started breathing heavily after finally letting it all out.

Palutena was completely shaken by those words. She started whimpering as tears welled up in her eyes. "You don't like me anymore!" Palutena wailed as she ran away.

Robin was still extremely pissed off at Palutena for being an idiot, but he immediately started to feel guilty for making her cry. "No, wait, Palutena! Come back!" He looked through the desert until he found Palutena sitting on a rock, her face buried in her hands as she continued to bawl her eyes out. "Palutena, I-I am so sorry. I did not mean to-"

"Go away, Raymond! You don't want me to be near you anymore!" Palutena snapped at Robin, her face red and cheeks stained with tears.

"Palutena, I...I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I...I guess I was just feeling a bit...frustrated, that is all."

"Sure you're so frustrated, Ruben. You're so frustrated, I don't even know why I'm crying right now!" Palutena cried as she buried her face in her hands and started sobbing again.

"I-I may seem a bit frustrated, but I am not entirely angry at you. Look, I know you are pretty forgetful at the moment, and I know you are a bit...confused because of your amnesia, but I want to help you. I want to help you get your memory back. If you really need to get to the Shrine of Remembrance in order to get your memory back, then I will be the one to make sure you get there."

Palutena stopped crying and slowly turned her head to Robin. "D-Do you really mean it?"

Robin nodded. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"Thank you so much, Ronin." Palutena smiled, and then she hugged Robin tightly. Although she was practically squeezing the life out of him, he managed to wrap his arms around her. Palutena then moved her head and slowly moved towards Robin, closing her eyes and puckered her lips.

"Whoa, what are you doing?"

Palutena stopped and opened her eyes. "Uhh...nothing." She answered nervously as she let go of Robin, blushing slightly.

"Well, never mind that. Let us just get out of this desert and then we can try to figure out exactly where we are."

"Okay."

* * *

The two of them continued walking through the desert of nothingness for a long while. So far, they weren't having any luck of finding anything other than rocks and cacti.

"Richard, are we out of this desert yet?" Palutena asked.

"I do not know! As for as I know, we are not even close to getting out of here!" Robin groaned as he continued to walk.

"Roland, I'm hungry!"

Robin was about to speak again, but come to think of it, he couldn't remember the last time they even ate anything. In fact, he didn't think they ate at all during this entire adventure. Robin then felt his own stomach growl and sighed. "Look, I promise I will get us something to eat when we get out of this desert and get to some sort of civilization."

"But I don't want to wait, Ronald! I'm so hungry, I wanna eat now!" Palutena whined.

"J-Just be patient. I am sure we will find a town at any moment." Robin assured her.

 **2 hours later...**

"Any...time now." Robin sighed as they continued to walk through the empty desert, the sweltering heat of the sun making them sweat buckets.

"Ruben...I don't think I can walk anymore. Carry me on your back." Palutena sighed as she threw herself onto Robin's back.

"J-Just hang in there, Palutena. W-We will get out of here soon."

"Richard...I can't move anymore. I feel so...weak...and hungry."

"A-Alright, fine. H-Hang on." Robin slung Palutena's arms over his shoulders and began to carry her on his back as he continued to walk through the desert. However, the added weight on his body made him feel even more weak. "D-Do not worry, Palutena. W-We will find civilization...eventually." Robin couldn't hold on anymore and collapsed to the ground and let go of Palutena's arms and she collapsed right next do him.

"R-Ronin..."

"Y-Yes, Palutena?"

"Are...Are we gonna die out here?"

"I...I do not know..." Robin muttered before he blacked out from the extreme heat.

* * *

Robin slowly opened his eyes and noticed that he couldn't see the sun and he no longer felt exhausted. It was dark and it was a pretty small space. "Huh? Where am I?" Robin then looked around and saw that Palutena was nowhere to be found. "Palutena? Palutena, where are you?!"

"I'm right here, Raven!" Palutena's voice called out from somewhere.

"What do you mean here?" Robin asked in confusion.

"Over here! Go through the tunnel!"

Robin noticed a small tunnel in the wall, and luckily it was big enough for him to fit right through it. He crawled through the tunnel, and then looked to see Palutena in a cave at the other end, and a bunch of tan mouse-like creatures surrounded her.

"Palutena, what are you doing? Where are we? And what the heck are those things?!" Robin asked in shock, and the mouse-like creatures looked at him and began to move towards him. "H-Hey, what are you doing?! St-Stay back!"

"It's okay, Rowan. These moles saved us!"

"What do you mean they..." Robin began, but then he remembered that they passed out in the middle of the desert. These shrews must have found them and brought them to their den to save them from the sun. Robin then looked to see a shrew offering him a piece of fruit. "Oh, is...is this for me?" The shrew nodded and he took the berry from it and put it into his mouth, enjoying the sweet taste.

"See? I told you they saved us!" Palutena said as she picked up a shrew and hugged it. "These things are so adorable! I could hug them all day!"

"Yes, these creatures are pretty cute." Robin replied as he patted a shrew on the head. It let out a happy coo and curled up into a ball, and it made his heart melt. But Robin knew that they couldn't stay for long and that they had to continue their adventure. "Well, I do not mean to ruin the mood, but we have to go. We have got some more important things to do, but thank you all for saving us. Come on, Palutena. We have to go now."

"Aww, do we have to go right now?"

"Yes. Yes, we do. I know you just want to stay here and play with the shrews, but we have to focus back on retrieving your memory."

"Okay."

"Where is the exit to this place?" Robin asked. One of the shrews pointed to a tunnel at the far end of the room. "Okay. Thank you." The two of them began to crawl through the tunnel and back into the outside world. "Alright, now that we are out of there, now we can...It is night?!" Robin noticed that it was now nighttime, and that they were still stuck in the barren wasteland. "Oh, that is just great. We are still stuck in the middle of nowhere!"

"Hey look, Richard! I think I can see a town or something!"

"Really?! Where?!" Robin asked as he quickly rushed over to her.

"Over there!" Palutena pointed over to a cliff where Robin saw what looked to be a town down below.

"Oh, thank goodness. We finally found civilization! But how are we going to get there?"

"Hmm...I know! We can fly there!"

"Oh, no! We are not going to try flying again!"

"What happened last time?"

"We almost died! Your wings burned up and we crashed to the ground and believe me, I do _not_ want to have another near-death experience like that ever again!"

"Don't worry, Ronin. I'll be careful this time, I promise."

* * *

"Okay, Ruben! I'm gonna fly us both over this cliff and over to that town!" Palutena announced as she now had her wings spread out and Robin on her back.

"I am not so sure about this, Palutena. I do not think this is going to work."

"Now on the count of three, we're going to jump off this cliff and fly over to that town! Ready?"

"Uhh, no..."

"Good, because I am! Now, let's go on the count of three! One..."

"W-Wait Palutena, I-I do not think this is a good-"

"Two three go!" Palutena finished quickly as she ran towards the cliff and jumped off the edge, and they began to plummet straight down to the ground far below.

"Palutena! Your wings! Activate them with the secret words!"

"Secret words? Oh, right! Alashazam!" Palutena shouted, and then her wings activated and they shot up into the air. "I did it, Raymond! Now let's go to that town!"

Robin held onto Palutena's shoulders for dear life as she continued to fly through the sky, and he tried his absolute hardest not to look down or let go. "Palutena, y-you are going pretty fast! C-Could you please s-slow down a bit?"

"What was that, Ronald? You want me to go faster? Okay!"

"Oh no, not agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!" Robin screamed as Palutena started to fly incredibly fast. He prayed to the gods that this would not end like last time where her wings got on fire and they almost died. "Palutena, st-stop! I-I think we passed the town!"

"Sorry, I can't hear you, Ruben! I'm having too much fun!" Palutena shouted, and then she did a spin and shot straight up into the sky, suddenly stopping when she went above the clouds.

Robin slowly opened his eyes to see that they were now floating above the clouds. "Huh? What are we doing in the clouds?"

"I've always wanted to be on the clouds. You wanna sit on a cloud?"

"No wait, what are you-" Robin began as Palutena grabbed him and threw him onto a cloud. He braced himself, but instead of passing through it and falling onto the ground, he stayed right on it. "Huh? I am not falling?"

"Of course you're not falling! It's a cloud!" Palutena said, and then got down and joined Robin on the cloud. "It feels just like a pillow!"

"Well...I will admit, this does feel quite comfy." The two of them then stared up at the starry night sky for a while, and for a moment Robin even forgot about what they were doing up here.

"This is so relaxing. Lying on this cloud is making me...tired. Nighty night, Roland..." Palutena yawned as she started to doze off.

"Oh, no no no, Palutena! Do not fall asleep!" Robin shouted, but Palutena was already asleep. "Palutena? Palutena, wake up!" He quickly shook her body, but she was out cold. "Oh, great. Now how are we going to get back down?"

Suddenly, the cloud disappeared and the two of them began to fall down into a forest down below. Robin landed hard on his stomach on a large branch, and then he slid off it and hit his back on another. He continued to fall down the tree and hit many parts of his body on branches, and he eventually landed on a thick branch and ended up hitting a certain area right between his legs. Robin didn't even have time to let out a high-pitched scream of pain as the branch snapped and he plummeted right to the ground, leaves and broken branches covering his body. He just lay there for a moment, eyes wide and writhing in extreme pain, especially in his crotch.

"It is...It is over now." Robin squeaked in a rather high-pitched voice as he tried to get up, but as he did he heard the sound of a branch breaking, and before he could get up and move out of the way, the branches broke and Palutena fell and landed on top of him for practically the twentieth time this story.

Palutena then opened her eyes and quickly sat up. "Raven, I just had the weirdest dream!" She looked around, but she couldn't see Robin. "Rowan? Where are you?"

"I am...right below you."

"Oh sorry, Ruben." Palutena said as she got off of Robin. "I just had a dream where I was falling!"

"That is probably because you _were_ falling." Robin muttered as he got up and brushed the leaves off him. "Now where are we?" He looked around to see that they were now in the middle of a dark forest, with no sign of any civilization. "Oh, great. We are stuck in the middle of nowhere again."

"Roland, look! There's something watching us!"

Robin looked up to see that it was the small purple bat from earlier perched on a branch staring at them. "You again?! What do you want from us?!" The bat flew over and landed right in front of them and continued to stare.

"Maybe he can help us, Ronald."

"I know what he is up to! He is trying to get us into trouble again!" Robin picked up the bat and began to walk away. "Do not bother us again! You have already took my Levin Sword, and we went through all the trouble of going through that cave and..."

"Uhh...Raven?"

"Not now, Palutena! I do not want to deal with this annoying little..."

"Raymond..."

"What did I just say, Palutena?!"

"Ruben! Th-There's something behind us!"

Robin turned around to see that there was something right behind them. It was a giant dragon-like bat, and he stopped in his tracks.

The Noivern leaned forward and looked at Robin right in the eyes with anger. "You tryna take my baby?"

"Oh, no no no no! I-I was not doing anything terrible to your child. I-I was just taking him back to his home." Robin carefully put the little Noibat on the ground and gently patted it head while smiling sheepishly.

"It's true, Mommy! This evil man tried to take me away!" The Noibat cried as it flew over to its mother, secretly giving Robin a sneaky look.

"No, no no no no! We were not trying to inflict any harm on your baby!" Robin protested.

"No one ever hurts my child! You are gonna pay for what you did!" The Noivern shouted as it looked ready to attack them.

"What are we gonna do, Ronin?" Palutena asked.

"What do you think we are going to do?! We are going to run!" Robin shouted as they began to run.

"Oh, you can run, but you can't hide!" The Noivern roared as it jumped in the air began to chase after the two of them.

"Go Mommy, go! Get those evil people!" The Noibat cheered.

Palutena and Robin began to run through the dark forest as the Noivern chased after them.

"Richard, why is that giant bat angry at us?" Palutena asked.

"Asking questions while we are running again, are you? Look, just do not worry about why-"

Suddenly, there was blast from right behind them, and Palutena and Robin were sent flying and landed hard on the ground. Robin quickly got up and ran towards Palutena.

"Palutena, are you alright?"

"I-I don't know..." Palutena answered somewhat weakly.

"D-Do not worry, Palutena. I-I will take care of that giant bat...I hope." Robin muttered as he took out the Levin Sword and pointed it towards the Noivern.

"You will not escape me, you-" The anger in the Noivern's eyes disappeared when it saw Robin's shiny Levin Sword. "Oooh, shiny! Gimme that shiny!" It began to dive right towards the shiny object.

Robin slowly opened his eyes and he noticed the Noivern swooping down right for him. He screamed and quickly ducked and the giant bat grabbed his Levin Sword and snatched it right out of his hand. "Huh?" Robin looked up to see that the Noivern was now flying away with his sword. "Oh no, not again! Hey! Come back here with my Levin Sword!" He quickly got up and began to run towards the bat, but it was too fast for him as it flew away.

"Wow, that bat's really fast." Palutena commented.

Robin then thought of something and then turned to Palutena. "Palutena, I cannot believe I am saying this, but...I want you to throw me."

"What did you say, Ronin?"

"I said throw me! Throw me in the air towards that giant bat before it gets away with my sword!"

"Uhh...I don't know, Ronald. Are you sure you want me to throw you?"

"Yes, I am sure! Now hurry up and do it! The bat is getting away!"

"Are you sure you're sure?"

"Yes, I am sure! I am begging you, Palutena! Throw me in the air right now! GO! DO IT! NOW!"

"Umm...I don't know. I think it might be dangerous."

Robin felt so frustrated, he thought his brain was going to explode from the sheer amount of stupidity he was dealing with right now. "You know what?! Fine, just do not throw me! We will just continue to chase after that bat, but whatever you do, DO NOT THROW ME!"

"Okay." Palutena replied as she grabbed Robin and threw him into the air. "Fly, pretty birdy! Fly!"

Robin screamed as he suddenly found himself flying in the air towards the Noivern. "I am going to get you!" He then started to fall to the ground. "Oh, no no no no, no! Wait a minute." Robin took out a tome. "Of course! Why did I not think of this?! Elwind!" He cast a wind spell from below him, giving him an extra boost as he shot back up and towards the Noivern, reaching his hands out and grabbing onto its tail.

The Noivern let out a screech, and it looked behind it to see Robin holding onto its tail. "What are you doing?!"

"Give me...my Levin Sword!" Robin yelled as he climbed up the Noivern's body and reached for the sword it held in its mouth, pulling on it with all his might.

"Get off of me! Let go!"

"No, _you_ let go! That Levin Sword is mine!"

"No, it's _mine_!" The Noivern began to thrash around in the air, trying to get Robin to let go and off its back. He tried his hardest to hold on, and he felt like he was riding an angry bull in the air. "Get... _off_!" The Noivern shouted as it and threw Robin off its back, sending him falling down to the earth.

"Don't worry, Raymond! I got you! I got you!" Palutena held out her arms to catch Robin, but he ended up landing face-first into the ground three feet away from her. "Oops."

Robin quickly got up and continued to run after the Noivern. "I-I am still going to get you! You will not get away with my-" He was suddenly interrupted when he tripped on a root and began to roll down a steep hill. He kept rolling down until he hit something hard, and he was upside down and completely dizzy. Through his blurry daze, Robin could see something heading right for him, and before he could get up and move out of the way, that something hit him and he completely blacked out again.

* * *

Robin groaned as he opened his eyes, and he looked to see that someone was hovering over him. As his vision began to become clear, he saw that it was Palutena.

"Richard, you're okay!"

"Ow...wh-what happened? Where are..." Robin's eyes widened when he realized something. "My Levin Sword! Oh no, oh no, do not tell me that bat got away with my Levin Sword!"

"You mean this?" Palutena asked as she held a shiny sword.

Robin gasped in awe. "H-How?! How did you get it back?!"

"Uhh...I don't know."

"Of course you do not." Robin muttered. "But that is not important right now. Give me my sword!"

"Okay." Palutena was about to give Robin the Levin Sword when she suddenly slipped and it flew out of her hand and towards a crevice.

"No!" Robin shouted as the sword flew through the air and fell down the crevice.


	7. Grima

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 7: Grima

* * *

Robin stared down at the dark crevice right below. He had lost the Levin Sword _again_.

"Oh, great! I lost the Levin Sword _again_!"

That's exactly what I just said!

"Now what are we going to do? My Levin Sword is now stuck in a crevice!"

"We're gonna go down there, that's what we're gonna do!"

"Wait, what are you doiiiiiiiing?!" Robin asked as Palutena pushed him down the crevice and jumped down after him. He screamed as he fell down the dark crevice, and then he landed face-first onto the ground, and before he could get up she fell and landed on top of him once again.

"Thanks for the cushion, Rowan!"

"C-Can you stop falling on top of me?" Robin asked as he got up, and he looked up and saw that they were now stuck at the bottom of the crevice, and his Levin Sword was nowhere to be seen.

"It's dark down here, Ronin! I think we should get out of here."

"You think?! Palutena, _you_ pushed us down this crevice and _you_ are the reason why we are now stuck here! How are we going to be able to get back up?!"

"Wait, Raven! I think I see something over there!"

"Where?"

"Over there!" Palutena pointed to what looked to be some kind of cave, and there was some torches on the walls which provided light. "Maybe your crooked looking thing is in there!"

"How would my Levin Sword get in there?"

"I don't know, but let's go in there!" Palutena was about to run inside the cave when Robin stopped her.

"Wait, Palutena. We should be careful when going in here. There could be all kinds of booby traps in this place."

"Hee hee, you said booby!" Palutena giggled immaturely, and then pointed to her own boobs. "Get it? Booby?"

"Hilarious." Robin rolled his eyes. "Look, I do not want to waste a lot of time here. Let us just hurry up and get my Levin Sword and get out of here before..." He walked into the cave, but was stopped when a spear suddenly shot out from somewhere and into the wall right in front of his face. Robin slowly moved away and turned to Palutena. "Palutena, do not move. Got that?"

"Okay."

"Good." Robin began to slowly walk down the path, being extra careful not to step on any tiles that could trigger a trap. He managed to make it to the other side without activating any traps, but then there was a strange sound from somewhere, and he turned around and saw another spear flying in the air right towards him. Robin screamed and quickly ducked right when the spear flew by and hit the wall right above him. He then looked up and saw that Palutena had walked into the cave steped on the trap tiles. "What did I say about not moving a muscle?!"

"Sorry, Ronald. You were taking forever and I couldn't wait any longer."

"You know what? N-Never mind that! Just hurry up and get over here!"

"Okay." Palutena then walked down the path and managed to get to the other side without activating any traps.

"Alright. Let us just hurry up and get my Levin Sword and then figure out some way to get our of here." Robin began to walk into a room, but then stopped when he saw that it was a dead end. "Oh, what is this?!" Two levers rested on the wall.

"Look, Roland! Levers! I love pulling levers!" Palutena was about to pull one of the levers when Robin stopped her.

"No wait, Palutena! Do not touch any of those levers! One of them might be a trap. We just have to figure out which one would be the correct one and which one would be..."

"Let's pull the right one! The right lever is always the right one to pull!"

"I do not think that is always true, Palutena. I say we should pull the left one."

"No Richard, let's pull the right one!"

"I said we are pulling the left lever!"

"But I wanna pull the right one!"

"We are pulling the left one!" Palutena and Robin then began to argue back and fourth debating on whether which lever they should pull.

"Right one!"

"Left one!"

"Right one!"

"Left one!"

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Left!"

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Listen, Palutena! We are going to pull the right lever and that is final!" Robin went over to the two levers and pulled the right one, but his eyes widened when he realized something. "Wait a minute. Did you just trick me into pulling the right lever?!"

"Uhh...I don't know."

Robin was about to walk towards Palutena, but then a trapdoor opened up from right under his feet. "Oh, I should have knoooooooooown!" He screamed as he fell down the trapdoor.

"Raymond? Where did you go?" Palutena asked, and then she looked down the hole where Robin had fell in. "Don't worry, Ronin! I'm coming for you!" She then jumped into the hole after him.

Robin screamed as he slid down a dark tunnel. He then shot out of a chute and landed on his stomach in another dark room.

"Ow...talk about a rough landing." Suddenly, Robin heard someone yelling from behind him, and before he could get up and move out of the way, Palutena then shot out of the chute and crashed right into him.

"That was fun! I wanna do it again!"

"I-I definitely do not." Robin groaned as he got up. "Oh, great. Where are we now?"

"We went down that fun slide because we pushed the right level!"

"Oh, we pushed the right lever alright." Robin muttered as he looked around. "Now we are lost! How are we going to find my Levin Sword now?!"

"Roland, look! There's your crooked looking thing!"

Robin looked to see that in a room not too far away was his sword. "The Levin Sword!" He quickly ran over to the room and looked around to see if there were anything else in there. "And there are no bats here either, but we should still be-"

"Let's go jump in, Ronald!"

"Palutena, no!" Robin shouted as Palutena jumped into the room, but she landed safely without making too much noise.

"Come on down, Ronin!"

"Alright." Robin sighed as he then jumped down. He then looked up to see that Levin Sword was on some kind of hill. "I am going to go and get the Levin Sword. Just stay right there and do not do anything stupid, got that?"

"Okay."

"Good." Robin went up on the hill to his Levin Sword, but once again it was stuck. He tried to pull on it with all his might, but it wouldn't budge. "Oh, why does it always have to be stuck?!"

"Okay, I just gotta stay here and not do anything stupid. I can do this." Suddenly, Palutena began to hear some kind of eerie noise from behind her, and she slowly turned around and gasped when she saw something staring at her. "R-R-Raymond!"

"Wh-What is it, Palutena?" Robin asked as he still tried to pull out his sword.

"Th-There's a monster!"

"Monster? What do you mean there is a-"

Suddenly, there was a loud roar that echoed through the room, causing Palutena to scream and Robin to lose his balance and he quickly grabbed onto the creature's side. The creature then got up and glared right at Palutena with its six glowing red eyes.

"Who DARE disturb the deep slumber of Grima?!" The creature roared.

"Grima?" Robin asked in confusion, but then his eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no..."

"Foolish mortal! You have made a huge mistake coming here!" Grima shouted as he cornered Palutena against the wall.

"A-Are you gonna eat me?" Palutena asked in fear.

"Maybe. That depends on what kind of death is more slow and painful for you. But before I end you, I must give you a little introduction as to who I am." Grima then made a clicking noise, and then out of nowhere, music started up as he starting singing.

(Based on the song Shiny from Moana)

 _The mighty Grima hasn't always been this grand_

 _I was a weak little soul once_

 _Now I know I can be feared by the whole planet_

 _'Cause I'm unstoppable, baby_

 _Did your friends all say listen to your heart?_

 _You don't belong to the dark side?_

 _I need four words to tear their arguments apart_

 _Your friends all lied_

 _I'd rather be Grima_

 _Being worshipped by mortals with common sense_

 _Sacrifice and do it for Grima_

 _I will bring forth the destruction of the world, in a snap_

 _Don't you know, men are dumb, dumb, dumb_

 _When it comes to their religions, curmudgeons_

 _Oh, and here they come, come, come_

 _To the God of Annihilation_

 _Hey, free killings_

 _I just love suffering, and it looks like your end_

(Grima is about to kill Palutena, but then notices Robin trying to pull out the Levin Sword from his back)

 _Well, well, well, little Robin's having trouble with his sword_

 _You little silly foolish tactician_

 _Ouch! What a terrible performance_

 _What a shock! (Get it?)_

 _You don't swing it like you used to, man_

 _Yet I have to give you credit for my start_

 _And your emblem on the outside_

 _For just like you I'm just as evil in the heart_

 _I'll never change, I can't, 'cause I'm Grima_

 _Watch me plunge the world into a world of dark_

 _In this world you will obey Grima_

 _Send your armies but they'll never be enough_

 _My hide's too tough, Robin man_

 _You could try, try, try_

 _But you can't expect a tactician to beat the Fell Dragon (Look it up)_

 _You will die, die, die_

 _Now it's time for me to take apart your Grima's Heart_

 _Far from the ones who adopted you_

 _Chasing the love of those humans who made you feel wanted_

 _You tried to be tough, but your bonds are just not strong enough_

 _Robbie! Now it's time to kick your heinie_

 _Ever seen someone like Grima_

 _Soak it in 'cause it's the last you'll ever see_

 _C'est la vie mon ami, I am Grima_

 _Now I'll kill you so prepare your final plea, just for me_

 _You never will defeat Grima_

 _You better bow down to Grima_

"Wow, that was a great song! Sing it again!"

"NO! I do not have time to be singing to stupid mortals! It is time for you to DIE!" Grima shouted, and then he grabbed Palutena with his fangs, causing her to let out a scream of pain.

"Oh, no! I cannot let Grima hurt Palutena!" Robin climbed onto Grima's back and quickly reached for the Levin Sword and pulled with all his might, and he finally managed to pull it out. He then ran down the dragon's back and onto his head. "Oh, I really did not think I would have to do this." Robin then raised his Levin Sword and slammed it down, stabbing Grima in one of his eyes. The Fell Dragon let out a loud roar of pain and let go of Palutena, and Robin quickly jumped down and caught her.

"Th-Thank you, Ronald."

"You can thank me later, Palutena! We have to run!" Robin said as he ran with her out of the room.

Once Grima had recovered from the attack on his eye, he looked around and saw that the two mortals were gone. "Oh, you can run as much as you can, but you cannot hide from Grima!" He then got up and began to chase after the two of them.

Robin continued to run, holding his sword with one hand and Palutena with the other arm. "Are you alright, Palutena?"

"Y-Yes, I...I think I can walk." Palutena answered weakly.

"Alright." Robin set Palutena down, and he started to look around for a way out. "There has got to be some way out of here."

Suddenly, the ceiling broke from right above them and Robin quickly grabbed Palutena and moved them out of the way before the boulders fell on them. "Quick, Palutena! Go in there!" They then ran into another room right before the stone wall closed.

"You cannot escape from Grima!" Grima shouted as he began to slam his head against the stone wall repeatedly.

Robin began to panic and he frantically looked around to try to find an exit. "Okay. Okay. Do not panic, Robin. We can get out of here. There must be some kind of way to-"

"Hey Richard, look!" Robin looked to see Palutena looking at a hatch in the ceiling. "Es-cah-pay! Hey, it kinda looks like the word-"

"Escape!" Robin gasped, and he quickly opened the hatch and climbed up to the top. "Quick, Palutena! Grab my hand!"

Suddenly, the stone wall collapsed and Grima's head peeked right through. "Heeeeeere's Grima!"

"Hurry, Palutena!"

"Okay!" Palutena quickly grabbed onto Robin's hand and he pulled her up to the top where they were now at the top of some kind of temple.

"Oh, where are we now?! Come on, Palutena! Let us just get out of here before-"

Suddenly, the ground from right below them and Grima emerged. "Run as you may, but you will not hide from Grima!"

"Quick Palutena, run!"

"Okay!" Palutena shouted as they began to run with Grima chasing after them. "Richard, where are we?"

"I do not know, Palutena! Just keep running and do not say another woooooooooooord!" Robin screamed as the two of them suddenly ran off the edge of the and began to fall down the side of the temple. They then fell down to the ground and several rocks fell from the top of the temple and landed on top of them.

Grima looked around from the top of the temple, but he couldn't see the two of them anywhere. "Foolish mortals. They got lucky. Those fools do not matter now. I am free, which means I can go destroy the world again!" He then started to fly away.

Once there was nothing but silence in the sky, Robin lifted the boulders off of him and Palutena, and gasped when he saw Grima flying away in the distance. "Grima...Oh, no."

"What is it, Roland?"

"Grima...oh no, we reawakened Grima!"

"Who's Grima?" Palutena asked.

"Did you even pay attention to the song?! Grima is the mighty Fell Dragon and he is going to on the world! We have to go stop him before he gets to Origin Peak and gets to his full power! We have to go stop him as soon as possible, but I do not think we can do it alone."

"Who?"

"I know someone who has helped me stop Grima before. Maybe he can help us. Come on, we have no time to lose!" Robin was about to walk away, but stopped when he realized something. "Oh, how are we even going to get back to the barracks?!"

"Wanna try flying again?"


	8. Chrom and the Fishsticks

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 8: Chrom and the Fishsticks

* * *

Through some more stupid flying (and luckily no almost dying), Palutena and Robin have arrived at the barracks where Robin hoped to find the person that would help them stop Grima.

"Where are we, Raymond?" Palutena asked.

"We are at the barracks of my army, the Shepherds. Chrom must be here." Robin went over to the door and knocked on it. "Hello? Chrom, are you there? It is me, Robin."

The door then opened and Chrom stepped out. "Ayyyy, Robin! Wazzup?"

Robin looked at Chrom with a displeased expression. "Chrom, please do not ever talk like that ever again."

"Alright, fine. What is it, Robin?"

"Chrom, you have got to help us!"

"I said what is it, Robin! What did you do this time?"

Robin gulped and he started to sweat nervously. "Well, we...we accidentally reawakened Grima and we need you to help us stop him before he gets to Origin Peak and tries to destroy the world again!" he explained quickly.

"Hey, don't worry, Robin. I'll help you stop Grima again."

"Really?! Oh, thank you so much, Chrom! I thought you would never-"

"On one condition."

"Condition?"

"You and your girlfriend are gonna have to do something in order to have me join you."

"Wh-What would that be?" Robin asked, blushing with the fact that Chrom mentioned Palutena as his girlfriend, but she was probably busy doing something stupid to even pay attention.

"Go get me some fishsticks."

Robin looked at Chrom in bewilderment. "Seriously, Chrom? You want us to get you some fishsticks? Can you just go and get some yourself?"

"No! The fishsticks around here taste like complete s**t, and I need someone like you to go get me some!"

"What a lazy bum." Robin muttered. "Look Chrom, we really do not have time to be running errands! We have to go and stop Grima immediately!"

"Grima can wait. Now get your lazy butt out there and go get me some fishsticks!"

"W-Wait, Chrom! C-Can we please just talk about this?!"

"No! I've been craving fishsticks all day, and I can't wait any longer! Now go!" Chrom shouted as he grabbed Robin and literally kicked him out of the barracks, and then he turned to Palutena. "You too, weird-haired lady! You get out there and help Robin get some fishsticks!"

"Okay." Palutena shrugged, and then she picked herself up and kicked herself out of the barracks.

* * *

Palutena and Robin walked down a path that was leading them to pretty much nowhere.

"This is ridiculous! We are supposed to be stopping Grima, not running errands! Where are we even going to get the fishsticks?! "

"Raven, look! There's a Random Supermarket That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience!"

"Really?" Robin looked to where Palutena was pointing, and sure enough, it was a Random Supermarket That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience. "Look, let us just go in there and get the fishsticks and get them back to Chrom so that we can stop Grima, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good." Robin nodded, and the two of them walked inside the Random Supermarket That Stands in the Middle of Nowhere and Only Exists Because of Plot Convenience. "Okay, now all we have to do is get the fishsticks and get out of here. They should be around here somewhere." He went down the frozen food aisle, and sure enough, there was some fishsticks, and he grabbed the biggest box that they had. "There they are. Okay Palutena, I got the fishsticks. Now we can just bring these back to Chrom and-" Robin looked around the aisle, but he couldn't see Palutena anywhere. "Palutena, where are you?"

Suddenly, there was a loud crash, and Robin quickly walked out of the aisle and was displeased at what he saw. There was a pile of paper towels all over the floor, and Palutena popped her head out. "That was fun! I wanna do it again!"

"Palutena, what are you doing?! Stop messing around!"

"There you are, Ronin!" Palutena went over to Robin and then grabbed him and threw him into a shopping cart.

"N-No! W-We really should not be messing around!"

"Oh, come on, Richard! It's fun!" Palutena said as she began to push the cart.

"Wait, Palutena! What are you doing?!"

"Are you ready for this, Ronald?" Palutena asked as she jumped into the cart next to Robin once it was at a fast speed.

Robin then looked to see that they were heading right for a toilet paper display, and before he could jump out, they crashed right into it and many toilet paper rolls fell on top of them. "Ow..."

"Wasn't that fun, Roland?"

"N-No..." Robin muttered as he got up and got some toilet paper off his head. "Alright, no more wasting time! Let us just get these fishsticks to Chrom and get to stopping Grima!"

* * *

Once Palutena and Robin paid for the fishsticks, they walked out of the Random Supermarket That No Longer Exists Because It's No LongerConvenient to the Plot and began to walk down the path in which they came.

"Alright. We got the fishsticks. Now Chrom can finally join us so that we can stop Grima and-"

"Raymond, can I hold the fishsticks?" Palutena suddenly asked.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just want to."

"Okay, fine." Robin sighed as he handed Palutena the box of fishsticks. "Just do not eat any of them."

"Okay." Palutena then noticed a bird staring right her. "Oh, you hungry, little guy?" she asked, and then opened the box of fishsticks and tossed one at the bird, which ate it in one bite. Robin then noticed what Palutena was doing and quickly stopped her before she could throw another one.

"What are you doing?! It is not a good idea to feed birds human food!"

"But he looked so hungry."

"That does not matter! It is not good to feed fishsticks to birds because it could cause some serious problems, and..." While Robin rambled on, several more birds approached, until they surrounded the two of them. "Fishsticks are not a good food for birds because their digestive system would not be able to properly process the ingredients made in them and..."

"Uh, Ronin..." Palutena began, but Robin kept on talking.

"Fishsticks contain all kinds of unnatural ingredients that birds are unfamiliar with, so feeding them those ingredients would be extremely harmful for-"

"Raven!" Palutena shouted, and that got Robin to stop talking. He opened his eyes and saw that they were completely surrounded by birds, and they were all right staring at them.

One of the birds them moved closer and asked one word. "Mine?"

"What are we gonna do, Roland?" Palutena asked.

"Do you really need to keep asking that question?! We are going to run!" Robin shouted and they began to run as fast as they could.

"Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" The birds shouted as they began to chase after Palutena and Robin. They all flew towards Palutena and began to peck at her repeatedly for the fishsticks.

"Ronald! These birds won't leave me alone!"

"Give me the box!" Robin shouted, and Palutena quickly handed him the box of fishsticks. The birds then flew towards him and began to peck at him repeatedly. "O-Ow! G-Go away! S-Stay back!"

Suddenly, there was a loud screech from somewhere, and it caused all of the birds to fly away in fright.

"Wh-What was that?" Robin looked behind him to see a vulture standing right behind them.

"Look, Raymond! That bird saved us!"

Robin's eyes widened in horror when he realized what it really was. "Palutena, stop! Th-That is the vulture that tried to eat us earlier!"

"Ha ha! I finally found you! You thought I was done hunting you down?! Oh, no! I wasn't gonna rest until I found you and caught you! Now I finally can bring you back home so me and babies can finally have dinner!" The Mandibuzz cackled, her eyes completely bloodshot and a sadistic smile spread across her beak.

"Palutena, run!" Robin shouted, and he quickly grabbed Palutena's arm and began to run.

"Oh, no! You are not running away from me again!" The Mandibuzz shouted as it quickly began to fly after them.

"Ronin, why is that bird chasing us?" Palutena asked.

"Do not ask any questions, Palutena! Just run and whatever you do, do not stop!" The two of them continued running, and the blood-thirsty vulture was not too far behind.

"Ah-ha! I've got you now!" The Mandibuzz laughed, and she fired a beam of dark energy from her beak right at them.

Robin quickly looked behind himself and saw the incoming attack. "Palutena, look out!" Unfortunately, his warning came a bit too late as Palutena was hit with the dark beam and collapsed to the ground. "Palutena, no!"

The Mandibuzz then flew down and landed right in front of Palutena, who was too weak to move. "You're mine now!" She then raised her talon and prepared to dig it right into Palutena's chest.

Robin took no time to react. He quickly took out his Thunder tome and took aim. "This better work! Arcthunder!" Robin threw a bolt of lightning right at the Mandibuzz, and the attack hit perfectly, causing her to be stunned for a short time. Robin took this opportunity to grab Palutena and run away as fast as he could.

"D-Do not worry, Palutena! I will get us out of here soon enou-" Robin wasn't able to finish his sentence when he felt something grab his neck and pull him into the air, causing him to drop Palutena and his tome.

"You are not running away from me anymore! You are going to come with me and become dinner for me and my babies!"

Robin only let out a gasp as he felt the Mandibuzz's talons wrap around his neck, and he started to fear that he was going suffocate, but he knew that there was nothing he could do. Palutena was most likely unconscious from the attack, and his sword and tomes were several feet below him on the ground. With nothing else to do, Robin shut his eyes and prepared himself for the Mandibuzz to end him.

Suddenly, there was a loud screech from somewhere, and Robin felt himself fall to the ground and found that he was able to breath again. He opened his eyes and saw that Palutena was standing right in front of him holding his sword, and the Mandibuzz was lying on the ground. "P-Palutena?!"

"You leave Roland alone!" Palutena shouted as she began to attack the Mandibuzz with Robin's sword. Robin could only watch in shock as she slashed the vulture repeatedly with several electric sparks and pained screeches filling the air. After about a moment, there was nothing but silence, except for Palutena panting in exhaustion.

"Palutena...wh-what did you just do?!"

"I saved you, Ronald. That mean bird was about to hurt you!"

Robin walked over to the Mandibuzz lying on the ground. He feared that Palutena might have actually killed her, but he sighed in relief when he heard that she was still breathing. "Well...at least she is still alive. Well, come on, Palutena. Let us just go back to the barracks with those..." Robin's eyes widened and he gasped. "Wait a minute. Where are the fishsticks?!"

"Oh, the fishsticks? I have them right here." Palutena replied as she held up the box of fishsticks.

"Oh, thank goodness. Well, let us not waste anymore time and get these to Chrom. I think we have already wasted enough time."

(Line Break)

Night was falling in the barracks, and Chrom sat around impatiently. Several hours have passed since Robin had left to get him fishsticks, and he was really getting impatient.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Palutena and Robin came in looking rather exhausted. "We are back, Chrom!" Robin shouted.

"Well, it's about damn time!" Chrom groaned. "Did you get me my fishsticks?"

"Yes. Here you go." Robin sighed as he placed the huge box of fishsticks on the table, looking like he was about to collapse at any second.

Chrom opened the box and his face fell when he looked inside. "What is this?"

"What is what?" Robin asked in confusion.

"What is this s**t?!" Chrom asked angrily as he showed Robin the fishsticks, which were now completely soggy.

"What are you talking about, Chrom? Those are the fishsticks you asked for! What could possibly be wrong with them?!"

"These fishsticks look like they came out of Shrek's swamp!" Chrom shouted as he threw away the box of fishsticks. "Go get me better ones!"

Robin stared at Chrom like he had just completely lost his mind (which he probably did). "...Are you serious, Chrom? You want us to get you more fishsticks, after all the trouble we just went through?!"

"Yes, I do! It shouldn't have took you four hours to get me some damn fishsticks!"

"We just ran from a group of crazed birds and a blood-thirsty vulture that tried to eat us three chapters ago, and you just want us to go back and do it all over again?!" Robin asked angrily, his face starting to turn red in fury.

"Yes, I do. Now, go do it! And this time, don't take seven hours!"

Robin completely lost it and exploded right in Chrom's face. "YOU KNOW WHAT, CHROM?! F**K YOU! F**K THESE FISHSTICKS! I AM NOT GOING TO WASTE ANY MORE OF MY F**KING TIME WITH YOU BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE TO WITH THIS AMNESIAC WOMAN WHO PROBABLY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW! I AM F**KING LEAVING AND STOPPING GRIMA MYSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NO F**KING HELP! SO YOU CAN JUST STAY HERE LIKE A F**KING ASSHAT AND DEAL WITH YOUR F**KING SOGGY FISHSTICKS! GOOD-F**KING-BYE!" He then got up and began to head towards the door.

"Robin, wait! You don't have to get any more fishsticks! I can just join you and then we'll be-"

Robin quickly turned around and gave Chrom the finger. "F**k off, Chrom!" He then stomped out of the barracks and slammed the door behind him, leaving Palutena and Chrom to wonder what just happened. Damn, that is _very_ out of character for Robin (Or at least it is for my Robin and maybe not for your Robin, but we're not here to talk about how different my Robin is from yours).

"What the hell is his problem?"

"Uh...I don't know." Palutena answered, completely oblivious over what had just happened. "So, um...since you don't want those fishsticks, can I have them?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Okay, thanks." Palutena said as she took the box of fishsticks and then headed out of the barracks.

"Stupid Chrom. Who does he think he is?! 'I will not join you unless you get me fishsticks!'" Robin muttered in a mocking tone, and then he started grumbling to himself as he continued walking.

"Hey, wait up, Ronin!" Palutena called out as she caught up to him.

"Palutena, I do not want you to say a single word!" Robin then looked behind himself and saw that Palutena was eating the fishsticks from the box. "Wait, are you eating those rancid fishsticks?!"

"Yeah, why? You want some?"

"N-No, I do not want any of those nasty fishsticks!"

"You sure?"

"Yes, I am sure!"

"Oh, well. More for me." Palutena shrugged as she continued to eat the fishsticks.

"You know what? We do not need Chrom! We can just go and stop Grima ourselves! We just have to get to Origin Peak before Grima gets there. But the thing is...how are we even going to get there?!"


	9. The Evilest of Combinations

**Note: Hey, I'm back with this stupid story. I know it's been so long since I last updated. I just want to have at least one multi-chapter story complete before this year is over so then I can feel like I actually accomplished something.**

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Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 9: The Evilest of Combinations

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Somewhere in a world on the reverse side to ours, lies a dimension consisting of empty space and floating islands. This world is known as the Distortion World, where everything is strange and distorted. Now y'all are probably wondering, where's Palutena and Robin? Don't worry about them because they're not gonna be in this chapter (because we really need a break from those guys).

In the midst of the twisted dimension, a figure was roaming around. It was a giant serpentine creature with six legs and six black wings/tentacles/whatever. This was the Renegade Pokémon, Giratina, the sole resident of the Distortion World. It had been banished to this world for all of eternity, and there was no doubt that it was feeling lonely.

"Another day, another...what is even time anymore?" lamented the Ghost/Dragon type. "I've been stuck in this world for Arceus knows how many years, and I can't take it any longer! If only there was a portal or something that could get me out of here."

Then out of nowhere, a portal opened up right in front of it, leading the way to the real world.

"Oh, it was just right there." And so Giratina went through the portal and was let out into the real world. "At last, I am free!" it exclaimed to the night sky, but then it noticed that now that it was out of the Distortion World, it was stuck in its other forme. "Ugh, do I really have to be in this stupid forme?"

Just then, Giratina heard a roar, and it looked to see another dragon, this one much larger with six glowing red eyes, fly by.

"Hey, you!" it called out to the other dragon. "Where you going?"

The giant black dragon turned to see the being of antimatter. "Go away. Grima has no time to deal with underlings like you."

"Hey, come on, I just got out of a world that I've been trapped in for eternity, and who are you calling an underling? I'm basically the Pokémon version of Satan! And it looks like you're going somewhere important, so can I help you with whatever it is that you're doing?"

"No, I do not need anyone else to..." Grima paused when he thought of something. "Actually, I do have a task for you. There are these two humans who are trying to get in the way of my plan. They are a white-haired man and a woman with long green hair. I want you to find them and get rid of them at once."

"Wait, what do you mean by get rid of them? Do you want me to just kill them or..."

"I don't care what you do, just go stop them from getting to Origin Peak! I cannot have them interfere with my plan to destroy the world."

"Okay, will do." Giratina nodded as it flew off to find the two who were on their way to stopping Grima.


	10. Palutena and Robin Don't Run From Smth

Palutena and Robin's Random and Ridiculously Stupid Adventure

Chapter 10: The First Chapter Where Palutena and Robin Don't Run From Something

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Last night was quite possibly the worst night for Robin. After all that bullshit with Chrom, he figured that he could let out some steam by getting some sleep. However, the closest shelter they could find was a cold, dark cave, which was very uncomfortable to lie down on, and on top of that, like he had expected, Palutena had gotten food poisoning from the rancid fish sticks she ate and spent almost the entire night hurling and questioning why it was happening to her, even though it was her own damn fault. Needless to say, by the time they were finally able to get some sleep, morning came as the sun began to rise, and the bright light shone right in Robin's face, causing him to stir awake.

"Mmm...Where...Where are we?" he asked a he got up, and he looked around and saw that there was nothing but water surrounding them, and the only thing keeping them afloat was a large plank of wood. "What the?! How on earth did we end up here?!" Robin then noticed Palutena sleeping right next to him, and he tried to shake her awake. "Palutena, wake up!"

"Mmm...not right now. Five more minutes." Palutena mumbled as she turned her body on the side.

"No Palutena, you have to get up right now!"

Just as Robin was about to shake Palutena awake again, her eyes suddenly shot open and she sat up with a scream. "AAH, GIANT FLYING SPIDERS!" She rocked the plank back and forth until water suddenly splashed in her face, making her stop and she looked around to see water completely surrounding them. "Raven, where are we?"

"I have absolutely no idea." Robin looked all around, but there was no sign of land anywhere. "Great, now we are somehow stranded here with absolutely no way of telling where we are!" Just then, he heard a splash from behind him, and he looked to see that Palutena was now in the water. "Palutena, what are you doing in the water?!"

"I just wanted to go for a swim."

Robin groaned. "Fine, just stay close to me, alright?"

"Okay." Palutena stayed in the water by Robin's side, but then realized that she didn't know how to swim. Either she had forgotten from amnesia, or she just never knew. "Ronin, help me! I'm drowning!"

Robin turned his head and saw that Palutena was actually drowning. He groaned at this, but he knew he had to help her as he held out his hand. "Palutena, grab my hand!" Palutena continued flailing her arms around and began to break the plank that Robin was on. "Wait, stop trashing!" he shouted, but it was too late as she had completely destroyed the plank and now he was stuck in the water with her.

"Richard, you wanna go for a swim too?"

Robin groaned. "No, I was trying to get you out of the water but you would not stop flailing around and you completely destroyed the wood and now you got me stuck in here with you!"

"...Oh." Palutena and Robin stared at each other in silence for about five seconds, before they began to flail their arms around in the water while screaming.

"Help! Somebody help!"

"Help! Help me! I'm drowning! I'm drowning!" Palutena screamed as she pushed Robin's head under the water and then went down with him. They continued to flail around and scream for help until Robin realized that they were standing in shallow water and stopped.

"Palutena," he began, but Palutena continued flailing and screaming. "Palutena! We are not drowning!"

Palutena finally stopped flailing and asked, "We're not?"

"No, we were standing in shallow water this whole time!"

"Oh."

"If the water is shallow, then that must mean we are near..." Robin looked around and saw an island not too far from where they were. "Land!" They quickly walked/swam over to the shore. "Oh, thank goodness we found land." Robin sighed in relief, but then he realized that he had no idea where the hell they were now. It was just a typical beach with palm trees and wooden huts.

Just then, a crocodile man was walking by and noticed the two. "Oh, hey there!" he greeted in a Jamaican accent. "Don't think I've ever seen you two around before. You just crash here?"

"Um...yes, we have. Can you please tell us where we are?" Robin asked.

"Oh sure, man! You're in the Isle of Strays!"

"The Isle of Strays?" Robin repeated, never hearing of such a place. "Listen, do you know of a place called the Shrine of Remembrance and how we can get there?"

"The Shrine of Remembrance?" The crocodile man put a hand on his chin and thought for a moment. "Sorry, never heard of it." That answer made Robin's face fall. "But if you're looking for someone who can give you directions, then just go ask the Directory Guru. They might be able to tell you."

"The Directory Guru?"

"Yeah man, they're just in that tent over there." answered the man, pointing to a nearby tent.

"Well, thank you for the help. Come on, Palutena."

Palutena and Robin went over to the tent where the Directory Guru was supposed to be at.

"Well, this must be it. This must be where this so-called Directory Guru is." The two of them walked inside the tent and were greeted by a strange sight. The inside was pretty dark, with the only sources of light being some candles and strange ornaments hanging around the place. In the center of the room sat an orange, wispy figure, who seemed to be meditating as their eyes were shut and they were humming to themselves. "I suppose that is the Directory Guru."

"Ooh, pretty lights." Palutena awed as she stared at the glowing ornaments hanging around, and reached out to touch one of them.

"Palutena, I really do not think they want you to be touching anything!" Robin warned, but of course she wasn't listening as she began to mess around with the ornaments. He sighed and shook his head as he walked up to the mysterious figure. "Um, hello. I take it you are the Directory Guru, correct? Listen, an amnesiac woman and I need to go to a place known as the Shrine of Remembrance. Do you know how we can get there?" he asked, but the only answer he got was silence. "Um...hello? Did you even hear what I just said?" Silence. "Ahem, I am asking you a question! Why are you not answering?!" Still nothing. Robin's patience was starting to whittle down. "Now see here, whatever it is that you are! I really do not have the time nor patience for-" Suddenly, a finger was brought to his lips and silenced him.

"Patience, my man. I can tell that's what you really lack." said the figure in a mellow tone. They then got out of their meditation and floated in front of Robin. "To answer your first question, yes, indeed I am the Directory Guru. If you need directions on how to get somewhere, I'm the one to talk to. So, what brings you to my residence today?"

"Well, a woman that is suffering from amnesia and I need to know the way to a place called the Shrine of Remembrance. Do you know how we can-"

"You talking about her?" asked the Guru, looking over at Palutena, who was still messing around with the ornaments.

She then turned and noticed them. "Oh hey, Mr. Guru Guy! I'm...um...what's my name again?"

"Palutena." Robin reminded.

"Oh yeah, Palutena, that's right."

"Alright Palutena, so you've got amnesia, huh? And this man right here is helping you find this shrine that will help you get your memory back, is that correct?" asked the Guru.

"Uhh..." Before Palutena could answer, Robin did it for her.

"Yes, yes it is, that is why we came here, to ask you if you know the way to the shrine."

"I see." The Guru took a good look at the woman. "Palutena, you mind if I give you a little test?"

Palutena gasped. "Wait, you're giving me a test?! I didn't study!"

The Guru chuckled. "No no, it's not that kind of test. I just want to test your short-term memory."

"Oh, okay."

"It'll be easy. Just guess what animal I transform into." the Guru explained as it shapeshifted into an elephant. "I'm a large mammal with two tusks and a trunk. What am I?"

"Ooh, I know it! Hold on, don't tell me."

"It is an elephant." Robin answered.

"Hey, let the lady guess!" snapped the Guru, and then they transformed into a frog. "This creature can live on both land and water."

"Wait, I got it. It's on the tip of my tongue."

"Frog." Robin fake coughed.

"Heard that." Next was an owl. "I am a nocturnal bird of prey."

However, Robin was just getting even more impatient. "COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST GIVE ME DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO GET TO THE SHRINE?!"

The Guru then transformed into him and repeated in a mocking tone, "Could somebody please give me directions?"

Palutena giggled while Robin was not amused one bit. "I am serious."

"Blah blah blah, me me, blah, blah blah blah blah, me me me."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Hmm, maybe." The Guru then transformed back into its regular form. "Tell you what. Since you sir seem to be in such a hurry, I'll tell you where to go. All you gotta do is head east from here until you reach the Seaside Cavern, then once you go through there, get past the Infinite Labyrinth, and the Shrine should be right there."

"Perfect, thank you for the help. Come on, Palutena."

"Okay." Palutena began to follow Robin out of the tent.

"Oh, there's one more thing I must tell you, Palutena." called out the Guru. "When you get to the cave, you _must_ go through it, not around it. Can you remember that?"

"Through the cave, not around it." Palutena repeated. "Got it! I'll be sure to remember it!"

"Good, now best of luck on getting your memory back."

"Okay!" Palutena headed outside the tent while repeating to herself, "Through the cave, not around it."


End file.
